The Scallion - Page 70 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Every great America needs great guns All the guns are belonging to Trump

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 10, 2016August 25, 2019

March 10, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes JESSICA D’NONSENS Trumpoonist HOUSTON — We have a problem in America: All of our guns are being taken. Where are they going? If future C.E.O. of America Donald Trump plays his cards right — which he will — they’ll all be going to him. A recent viral video......

Scallion

What’s Tim got cookin’ on his hard drive? Apple CEO has dirty little secrets

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

Reading Time: 3 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Special to the Lampoon Students using Apple computers on campus will be pleasantly surprised to realize that their devices may be similar to that of CEO Tim Cook’s. The reason being that there are copious amounts of pornographic material on the hard drive. In the midst of......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 15, 2019

March 1, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 4 minutesEMMO Staff Lampoonist March 21 – April 19 Get ready to party, because you will win the lottery this week. You should probably set some of that cash aside to replace the car you crashed while scratching off the ticket. April 20 – May 20 Whitney Houston will rise from......

Scallion

Trumping Kanye’s debt Trump asks West for favors

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 25, 2019

March 1, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesG. EMMO Staff Lampoonist Donald Trump, in an act of compassion and in the spirit of “making America great again,” has decided to help alleviate Kanye West’s crippling debt — one of the major issues America faces today. Though Trump is notorious for his selfless charity and goodwill, he......

Scallion

Enter The Church of Deadpool: From box office hit to world religion

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 25, 2019

March 1, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist When it comes to religion, the first things that come to mind are Christianity, Judaism or Islam. All three of these concepts work, but they’re missing one thing: a loudmouth squeezed into red spandex. Take Ryan Reynolds, slap a red costume on him and give......

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Web Exclusive: ‘Right there the whole time’ Police take 12 hours to find murderer

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes TRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor Police are currently investigating the murder of Ray N. Carnation, who was found dead outside of the Williams Center last Friday. Police reports indicate finding the suspect, Jason Johnson, sitting on a bench next to Carnation 12 hours after the shooting. “We practically......

Scallion

You might be a Hitler How to know if you are der Führer

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Attention Fredonians: There may be a few Hitlers that walk amongst you. Social scientists claim that everyone makes eye contact with at least three Hitlers per year. However, if you go to school at Fredonia, that number may be a little higher. What causes......

Scallion

FSA: the pioneers of the meatball sub

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016

March 1, 2016

Reading Time: < 1 minute HARPER FISCHER Special to the Lampoon The Faculty Student Association recently introduced the revolutionary meatball sub to the Centre Point menu. Never seen before on any menu here on campus, students lined up at the cash register, instead of the ever-popular sub line, to order this brand new......

Scallion

Lennon’s luscious locks yield musical magic powers Hair sold online — totally worth it

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2016August 15, 2019

March 1, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Special to the Lampoon The Beatles were known for their beautiful melodies, dope harmonization and culturally diverse instrumentation. What many people fail to realize is that it was all due to member John Lennon’s luscious locks. Recently, strands of John Lennon’s real life hair were sold......

Scallion

Obama appoints Herman to the Supreme Court

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 24, 2016

February 24, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist Everyone hopes to reach that day when he or she can finally chill out, relax and drink lemonade on the beach, all while getting paid. In other words, retirement is awesome. For Vice President of Student Affairs Dr. David Herman, retirement merely means setting up......

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Every great America needs great guns All the guns are belonging to Trump

What’s Tim got cookin’ on his hard drive? Apple CEO has dirty little secrets

Horoscopes

Trumping Kanye’s debt Trump asks West for favors

Enter The Church of Deadpool: From box office hit to world religion

Web Exclusive: ‘Right there the whole time’ Police take 12 hours to find murderer

You might be a Hitler How to know if you are der Führer

FSA: the pioneers of the meatball sub

Lennon’s luscious locks yield musical magic powers Hair sold online — totally worth it

Obama appoints Herman to the Supreme Court