The Scallion - Page 68 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016August 15, 2019

April 7, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Lampoon Aries It doesn’t matter if you bought a strobe light and neon clothing. Nobody is going to show up to the rave in your dorm room. Clean your mini fridge; maybe after the stench is gone people will come. Taurus Be careful maneuvering on......

Scallion

Hillary’s ‘inevitability’ runs out Clinton drops out of presidential race to knit sweaters

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016August 25, 2019

April 7, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist In an M. Night Shyamalan style plot twist, Hillary Clinton has announced that she has dropped out of the presidential race, despite being the frontrunner for the democratic nomination. The shocking announcement came in the form of a live stream from her home in Chappaqua,......

Scallion

Fashion show cancelled for Caucasian Awareness Day No one is amused

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016September 1, 2019

April 7, 2016September 1, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesJESSICA D’NONSENS Lampoonist The Black Student Union (BSU) Fashion Show traditionally encourages creativity through diversity on Fredonia’s campus. But this year, Fredonia will celebrate the same thing America cherishes every single day — white people. A new group on campus, Caucasian Student Union (CSU), has determined that the BSU......

Scallion

A story in each wrinkle Move over, Dad; the grandpa bod is in

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016

April 7, 2016

Reading Time: < 1 minuteMISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist What’s better than a dad bod? We’ll tell you: a grandpa bod. If you are lucky enough to have a grandpa bod, consider yourself blessed. Girls and guys alike will flock to you day and night. Nothing is more irresistible than a fully wrinkled and......

Scallion

Entering the ark two by two Extreme weather forces mass export of students

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016

April 7, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutesRAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist A long-appreciated quirk of Fredonia is its unpredictable weather, which never fails to keep students on their toes. But opinions change, and with a presumably inevitable flood on the way, students are implementing an ingenious plan to relocate to a calmer climate — they’re building a......

Scallion

Spring Break was Cancelled, but apparently nobody knew.

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016

April 1, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Well, this is awkward. Apparently the school was so preoccupied with all of the Academic Affairs emails that it completely forgot to announce that Spring Break was cancelled this year. Don’t believe me? Why don’t you ask all of the teachers that were still here......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016August 15, 2019

April 1, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes Aries Midterms got you down? That’s alright. At least you don’t have to worry about disappointing your parents; they’ve been disappointed for a while. Taurus You may get catcalled on your way home from Fred Mart. Lunge at your assailants with the full fury of the heavens. ......

Scallion

Sarah Palin withdraws Trump endorsement Pro-Sanders polar bear attacks Palin household

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016August 25, 2019

April 1, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor Three things are now certain in life: Death, taxes and the fact that whenever Sarah Palin makes a public appearance, no one needs to make fun of her — she just does it on her own. There are never any exceptions to this rule,......

Scallion

What happens to those left on campus during break?

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016

April 1, 2016

Reading Time: 3 minutesG. Ravioli Staff Lampoonist As students flocked back to campus after their long-awaited Spring Break, they were left dumbfounded by what greeted them. As some of the quad-dwelling students were heading back to their dorms, they heard a strange chant coming from nearby — almost like that of......

Scallion

Web Exclusive: Patty’s Day changes its vibe Greenery and leprechauns bid adieu

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016August 25, 2019

April 1, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Lampoon St. Patty’s Day once was a holiday you could share with your family and, more importantly, your boys. The joyous experience celebrating all things green and Irish came crashing down before everyone’s drunken eyes. This year, the United Association Holiday Organization or (U-A-HO) decided they......

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Horoscopes

Hillary’s ‘inevitability’ runs out Clinton drops out of presidential race to knit sweaters

Fashion show cancelled for Caucasian Awareness Day No one is amused

A story in each wrinkle Move over, Dad; the grandpa bod is in

Entering the ark two by two Extreme weather forces mass export of students

Spring Break was Cancelled, but apparently nobody knew.

Horoscopes

Sarah Palin withdraws Trump endorsement Pro-Sanders polar bear attacks Palin household

What happens to those left on campus during break?

Web Exclusive: Patty’s Day changes its vibe Greenery and leprechauns bid adieu