The Scallion - Page 79 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Local stupid moron in serious debt

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 5, 2015

March 5, 2015

ANNE ARKEY Special to the Lampoon In an announcement issued Friday night, Fredonia student and complete idiot Anne Arkey, 22, admitted to having “really gone and done it this time,” saying she was “absolutely screwed” if she could not find a solution to the “like forty thousand dollars with a......

Scallion

How to nap on campus

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 5, 2015

March 5, 2015

LEO FRANK Lampoon Editor They say to write what you know. Unfortunately, there’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know how to make chicken cordon bleu, for example. I don’t know why people keep sharing Buzzfeed articles on Facebook, and I don’t know how to work Excel spreadsheets. But......

Scallion

The Alphabet of Studying

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2015

February 25, 2015

SARA WILD Special to the Lampoon A is for adderall B is for break time! C is for caffeine D is for do not disturb (but please do) E is for extra credit longing F is for Facebook G is for GPA calculating H is for highlighting everything I is......

Scallion

Students clamor for bookstore to stock more adorable kitsch

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2015

February 25, 2015

ANNE ARKY Special to the Lampoon A mob of students wielding picket signs gathered outside the University Bookstore on Tuesday to protest what they see as an embarrassing shortage of adorable kitsch available for purchase in on-campus facilities. The bookstore, which does sometimes stock a wide selection of beaded placemats,......

Scallion

This week’s horoscope

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2015September 1, 2019

February 25, 2015September 1, 2019

MEL N. KOLICH Special to the Lampoon Aries: To forgive others one more time is to create one more blessing for yourself. This is a good week to message that ex or maybe call your parents. Try and remember that free will is an illusion and the decisions they made......

Scallion

It so cold, scientists say

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2015

February 18, 2015

ANITA TENSION Special to the Lampoon Confirming the suspicions of many Fredonia residents, scientists announced the results of an extensive study Monday, which indicated that it is extremely cold outside right now. Citing the pronounced rosiness of their cheeks and runniness of their noses, the scientists concluded that the likeliest......

Scallion

The Lampoon presents this week’s horoscope

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2015

February 18, 2015

ANNE ARKY Special to the Lampoon Aries: You’re on fire! This is your week, Aries. In seven days you’ll look back on what you accomplished and say, “Man, I sure achieved great things this week — though nowhere near as great as the ascension of Sultan Murad IV to the......

Scallion

How to anonymously survive your 50 Shades of Grey viewing

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 18, 2015

February 18, 2015

SARA WILD Special to the Lampoon Admit it. You’re sickened, but curious. It’s been the buzz for what seems like years now. You have to see if it’s going to live up to all this hype, but no one can know. Never fear, no one has to know. Just follow......

Scallion

Horoscopes by Gemma Nye

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 11, 2015

February 11, 2015

Capricorn (22 Dec-20 Jan) February is your month Capricorn! You will be very successful with reeling in the bae’s if you are in the market for some lovin. If not, I’m sorry but you’re just gonna have to stay inside because the hotties will be all over you like bees......

Scallion

Disgruntled campus PR head wonders if it would be appropriate to reveal Erie dining hall founded on 3,000-year- old blood sacrifice ritual

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 11, 2015

February 11, 2015

MEL N. KOLICH Special to the Lampoon It’s no secret that it is hard to eat healthy on campus. Students dissatisfied with current food options are again wondering why Erie Dining Hall was closed over two years ago as campus food options continue to dwindle. Flames of the increasingly popular......

[OPINION] McEwen Café is superior to Mason Café

Lovercolumn: PERIOD!

Lacrosse: A worldwide game with local origins

Who’s the best: MJ or LeBron? I say LeBron

Who’s the best: MJ or LeBron? I say MJ

Amanda Drummond seeks to provide safety and security, one step…

Blue Devils shine in front of hockey – and basketball…

Becoming radicalized on book banning

5th Quarter Column: College Football; Sport or Business?

Lovercolumn: Navigating Breakups

Local stupid moron in serious debt

How to nap on campus

The Alphabet of Studying

Students clamor for bookstore to stock more adorable kitsch

This week’s horoscope

It so cold, scientists say

The Lampoon presents this week’s horoscope

How to anonymously survive your 50 Shades of Grey viewing

Horoscopes by Gemma Nye

Disgruntled campus PR head wonders if it would be appropriate to reveal Erie dining hall founded on 3,000-year- old blood sacrifice ritual