RITA PAEPER Special to the Lampoon Aries: An opportunity for personal growth will present itself soon. Unfortunately, it will do so in the form of some asshole who sits behind you in class and mouth-breathes heavily onto the back of your neck. Refrain from making a grisly scene and you......

ANITA TENSION Special to the Lampoon This semester’s activities night, where on-campus organizations court prospective members, will feature several new groups. Among these, the one generating the most buzz is a new fraternity, ‘Jama Pie,” which bills itself as an inclusive, “chill community for people who just want to hang......

AWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist I never knew how out of shape I was until I started having all of my classes in Thompson on the third floor. I live on the third floor in my residence hall, but nothing compares to the dark stairway of hell leading up to the......

DARREN WILSON* Special to The Leader Boy, oh boy, what a year! We all certainly had our share of trials and tribulations — or tribulations, at least. No trial for me! God, I’m just so thankful for so much. 1. Miscarriage of justice. Thank god for Bob McCulloch, huh? What......