The Scallion - Page 81 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

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Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 9, 2015

September 9, 2015

Reading Time: < 1 minuteMONA NUCLEOSIS Lampoonist As yet another school year begins, the upperclassmen reminisce on what used to be. With our newfound place in the hierarchy comes new responsibilities, specifically when choosing bae. In an effort to keep the social ladder in order and everyone in their place, I’d like to share......

Scallion

Where did the pink slime go? Chicken tender crisis at Williams Center

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 9, 2015

September 9, 2015

Reading Time: < 1 minutePHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist Students returning to Fredonia this semester will realize a distinct difference at the Williams Center. While the pizza’s still mediocre, and the burgers are a little grey, the chicken tenders are no longer pink. “We had to consolidate our menu items,” said Liz R. D’Lips, a......

Scallion

How to fit in: Tips for incoming freshmen

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2015

September 2, 2015

Reading Time: 2 minutesAMANDA DEDIE Assistant News Editor Welcome to Fredonia, noobs! Feeling terrified? Have no one to show you the ropes? The Fredonia Lampoon is here to help steer you in the right direction. Here are the top ten tips for incoming freshmen: 1. Wear your lanyard around your neck. Always. Everywhere......

Scallion

Tea with Phyllis: Get your Phyl of Phillis

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2015September 1, 2019

September 2, 2015September 1, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesPHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist The Lampoon section of The Leader, over the years, has changed drastically. When I was first a freshman, in 1999, all we talked about was Destiny’s Child and Bill Clinton. I look back fondly at my very first article, “Bills, Bills, Bills: Does he pay the......

Scallion

Food dating app encourages students to ‘tap that and go’

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2015

September 2, 2015

Reading Time: 2 minutesPHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist In the year 2015, technology allows us to find hook ups at the drop of a hat. There’s HER for lesbians; there’s Grindr for gay men; there’s Tinder for us all. But what if all we really want is to get hooked up with food? Administrators......

Scallion

Straight people get offended; gay people no longer allowed civil unions

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2015September 2, 2019

September 2, 2015September 2, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesPHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist Straight people have long fought for acceptance. This summer, on June 26, when gay marriage became legalized across the country, defenders of the sanctity of marriage were up in arms — and I don’t mean up in the arms of their mistresses. Quickly, straight Americans found......

Scallion

Much merriment made at recent drag show

Contributor to The LeaderMay 7, 2015

May 7, 2015

Reading Time: 2 minutesSAMUEL PEPYS Special to the Lampoon ‘Twas a Wednesday eve like any other, save that it marked, for many, the beginning of the Fredonia Festival — a tradition whereby the inhabitants of the small hamlet which bears the same name imbibe to excess, wear “tie dye,” and conduct the ceremonial......

Scallion

Senior chooses ‘Cheesy Friday’ over graduation

Contributor to The LeaderApril 22, 2015

April 22, 2015

Reading Time: 2 minutesTIM DENSMORE Special to the Lampoon Accounting major Joe Schumoe is 12 credit hours away from graduating. With one third of the semester remaining, he has decided he wants to fail. The reason — Cheesy Friday. “I don’t think I’m ready to give up Cheesy Friday,” said Schumoe as he......

Scallion

Left Shark reminds world of his relevancy

Contributor to The LeaderApril 22, 2015

April 22, 2015

Reading Time: < 1 minuteSARA WILD Special to the Lampoon The 49th annual Super Bowl last February was watched by millions and won by the New England Patriots, a question which will eventually be asked in the 2030 edition of Trivial Pursuit. What most people remember about the game, however, was the showstealing aquatic......

Scallion

FRED Festers to channel directionless rage into silent one-second eye contact with cop

Contributor to The LeaderApril 22, 2015

April 22, 2015

Reading Time: 2 minutesANNE ARKEY Special to the Lampoon Saying they could no longer stand idly by while corrupt and domineering powers denied them their right to do whatever they want with absolute impunity, an impassioned band of FRED Festers announced Friday that they would take every opportunity set before them to make......

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Public Service Announcement:

Where did the pink slime go? Chicken tender crisis at Williams Center

How to fit in: Tips for incoming freshmen

Tea with Phyllis: Get your Phyl of Phillis

Food dating app encourages students to ‘tap that and go’

Straight people get offended; gay people no longer allowed civil unions

Much merriment made at recent drag show

Senior chooses ‘Cheesy Friday’ over graduation

Left Shark reminds world of his relevancy

FRED Festers to channel directionless rage into silent one-second eye contact with cop