The Scallion - Page 82 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

AWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Holding the door open for someone behind you is probably one of the most complex gestures of kindness a person can show another. You simply use your spidey senses to tell if someone is approaching you and stretch yourself as far as possible to keep the......

Scallion

Mourning a hero

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

ANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon How do we define a hero? Is a hero a courageous person? Is a hero someone who overcomes insurmountable odds due to their stalwart moral convictions? Or, is a hero a large strepsirrhine primate of the family Lemuridae? We, at The Lampoon, think that......

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Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Staff Lampoonist You and your man have been churning the butter all night, your arms are as limp as a stir fry noodle and you don’t even have the strength to do one more pelvic thrust. Finally, your night of roasting the broomstick is coming to a close. Soon you......

Scallion

Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

AWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Most of the time, I try to say hello to everyone I have ever been acquainted with. If I met you in line for food, if you are in one of my classes, if we have the same backpack, I’m going to stare at you until......

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The Lampoon’s guide to Spring 2015 courses

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Special to The Lampoon PHIL 299 Beating Batman One of the biggest questions in life is who, if anybody, could defeat Batman in a physical confrontation. This course will attempt to find an answer to that issue through simulation, critical evaluation of historical attempts and extensive readings from leading scholars......

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Sex and the SUNY: like a virgin, chin licked for the very first time

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

KELLY CANER Lampoonist It was Halloween weekend, and I was looking for any man to open my portal to Halloweentown. The only sexual experience I’d ever had was with Brian in the 9th grade, who brought out a tub of vaseline and used it to grease up his pink puffy......

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Bookstore to begin selling new ‘double wide’ longboards

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

ANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon The University Bookstore announced Friday that, beginning in December, they would stock a new type of “double wide” longboard rumored to take up at least two times the amount of space on roads, sidewalks and in the aisles between desks in classrooms. The new......

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Baffling new graffiti tag found around campus

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2014

November 5, 2014

COLIN PERRY Special to The Lampoon University Police members are struggling to identify the meaning behind a series of alleged vandalism attacks across campus. The mysterious tag, pictured here, has been found painted across many of the university’s signs, hung on banners and even somehow hacked into the university’s website.......

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Ask: A Teeming Hive of Bees

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2014

November 5, 2014

BEES Special to the Lampoon Dear Bees, I’ve recently come to suspect my girlfriend of being unfaithful, but I don’t have any way to prove it. She just seems different than before. What should I do? Signed, “Concerned Boyfriend” BEES HAVE NO CONCEPT OF JEALOUSY. BECAUSE THE QUEEN BEE IS......

Scallion

Being Awkward: Almost Broke

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 4, 2014

November 4, 2014

AWKWARD ANNIE Special to the Lampoon It’s around that time of the semester when you realize that in order to feed yourself for the next sevenweeks, you will have to ration your meals to C-store cashews and tap water. If you are like me, you got the all-points plan and......

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Fredonia mayor threatens to call National Guard for this year’s…

Attacks on diversity, equity and inclusion continue

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Sex Symbols in Media

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5th Quarter Column: Why Has it Become Harder to Watch…

Roommates release song on Valentine’s Day in support of domestic…

Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Mourning a hero

Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello

The Lampoon’s guide to Spring 2015 courses

Sex and the SUNY: like a virgin, chin licked for the very first time

Bookstore to begin selling new ‘double wide’ longboards

Baffling new graffiti tag found around campus

Ask: A Teeming Hive of Bees

Being Awkward: Almost Broke