ALIAH RICHARDS and AMBER MATTICE
Guest Scallywag and Managing Editor
Wednesday, Sept. 19, 2018
2:13 a.m. There has been many sightings of unoccupied skateboards around campus. University Police stated that it might be dangerous and students should proceed with caution.
7:08 p.m. Several students were arrested in Chautauqua Hall thanks to the new police dogs being implemented on campus. The dogs seem to be targeting stupid freshmen who aren’t careful with their weed, specifically, so just a heads up.
Thursday, Sept. 20, 2018
1:53 p.m. Alex McCall was arrested by University Police for being enrolled as a student. McCall has missed 43 consecutive school days and doesn’t really qualify as one at this point.
12:09 p.m. University Police were called by first year student, Sally Higgins. She demanded to be escorted to class. An anonymous officer was quoted on the scene, “just a rich bitch trying to hide the fact that she keeps getting lost.” No further action was taken.
Friday, Sept. 21, 2018
Appearance tickets have been issued to teachers who start class at 10:55 a.m. when the class is scheduled to start at 11 a.m. Don’t be that guy.
3:05 p.m. Dane Parker was arrested for coughing in the library without covering his mouth. Rumors are he started the “Fredonia Plague.” Good riddance.