DOM MAGISTRO
Assistant Scallion Editor
An impeachment inquiry has begun as a result of a whistleblower complaint. The whistleblower complains that Trump asked the Ukranian prime minister to investigate Biden.
Pelosi and House Democrats draw the line there. No one messes with Joe.
“There are just some actions that are impeachable and some that aren’t,” said Pelosi. “We can, and should, impeach for blowjobs, election meddling and ending Reconstruction, but that’s it.”
“I think what he’s been doing has been over the line for years, but now that he’s investigating his political opponents, that is it, we ’bout to throw down,” said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, removing her hoop earrings and handing them to her chief of staff.
“Look, I agree with the guy, I love everything about him. The only reason I haven’t acted on my feelings is because that’s gay,” said Senate Majority Leader and Turtle Overlord Supreme Mitch McConnell.” But even I gotta say, a Nixon repeat is just over the line. Unfortunately, I can’t help the guy if this goes through. Even I gotta vote to impeach him if it comes down to it.”
Despite pressure from their constituents, impeachment was ill-advised at the time that Trump was being openly offensive, committing “high crimes and misdemeanors,” violating human rights and allowing for people to die in state custody.
Now that the election cycle has started, it’s important to besmirch your opponent’s reputation rather than listen to the needs of your constituents.
For Trump, that means investigating Biden and his son.
For the Democrats, that means comparing Trump to Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon, the agreed-upon worst president in recent history.