BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
You IDIOTS did it again, huh? You squandered the election to some idiots. The two party system fails the will of the people. Polls showed that over 90 percent of Americans wanted Kanye West for the presidency. Before you fake-news fans say it — yes, that poll was taken outside of a Kanye West concert and NO, that DOESN’T make it biased.
Why is Kanye the best candidate for president? Really quick, here are my reasons.
- Smoking hot wife. Come on guys, hubba hubba. (Not gonna lie, Dr. Jill Biden pretty hot though)
- Number of dope albums Kanye has dropped: 16. Joe and Trump combined: zero.
- Kanye will beat other nations at freestyle rap contests.
- Incredibly well-spoken speaker.
“Now if I f*ck this model and she just bleached her assh*le and I get bleach on my t-shirt, I’mma feel like an assh*le.” -Kanye West, Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1
“When you hear about slavery for 400 years… for 400 years? That sounds like a choice.You were there for 400 years and it’s all of y’all. It’s like we’re mentally imprisoned.” -Kanye West. Really said being enslaved was a choice.
So how do we get him there? Well, the election was rigged by Russians and then stolen by the Dems so the democratic experiment has failed us.
We the people need to unite under fair representation and democracy. First step: Kanye West should do a nonstop live performance in front of the White House until fascist dictator Joe Biden decides to step down.
Should he refuse, millions of Kanye fans will claim all of California, secede from the United States and claim itself a new country called “The Real America.”
America won’t like this and go to war with us, but HOLD THE PHONE MORONS! We already used Kanye and Kim’s fortune to buy the entire U.S. military. We mercilessly invade the rest of America and instill our God Emperor into the White House.
We rewrite the history books to say Kanye was the first presidential candidate to receive all 538 electoral votes.
Kanye is president.
Kanye makes America great again.
Borders no longer exist because Kanye’s America has engulfed the rest of the world.
The. World. Is. America.
At the height of it all, Kanye reveals his greatest accomplishment…
KANYE RELEASES “MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY 2.”
We have transcended the age of man.
We are now one being.
We are Kanye.