AVA-CLAIRE BORING
Scallion Editor
It’s fall, which means apples are back in season. There are over 7,500 documented apple varieties, and each one can tell a lot about a person when you assign it to a zodiac sign!
Aries: Honeycrisp
You’re always open and willing to explore new ideas and adventures! Your open-mindedness is very much admired by those who surround you. You’re always down for a side-quest!
Taurus: Gala
You’re the friend that people come to when they need advice. Sometimes, it seems like you’ve been through every experience ever. This comes with its downsides, though, when the most ridiculous and unreal things happen to you. At least it will make a good story later, right?
Gemini: Golden Delicious
You’re the perfect, happy medium of sweet and sour. You are always kind to strangers, and the exact opposite to those who pose a threat. You’ve got some serious survival instincts. Like the mom who always knows when a new friend of yours has bad intentions. (Seriously, how do they always know?)
Cancer: Calville Blanc d’Hiver
You are luxurious. You love to have your alone time, and self-care is your jam. You love Fall because the cool weather is an excuse to stay inside and ignore all your plans with some much-needed “me time.”
Leo: Granny Smith
You are just simply an angel. You carry a sense of calm and comfort with you everywhere you go. You have the kind of face that makes people think, “Okay, I’m safe now.” Don’t get it twisted, though… You could probably beat some serious butt if provoked.
Virgo: Snapdragon
You’re very stressed. You tend to get overwhelmed with a lot of tasks and definitely end up feeling the pressure. Your anxieties do not define you, as you tend to easily make friends with just about anyone.
Libra: Empire
No matter where you go, you’re the most charming in the room. You give off the sort of charismatic vibe that nobody can replicate naturally. Wherever you go, there is always a friend to be made (or person to be flirted with).
Scorpio: Red Delicious
You can come off as mean sometimes. Don’t take it personally — everyone knows you don’t mean it. At the end of the day, in a room full of people, you’re still the one who’s going to stand out in a sea of boring, basic apples.
Sagittarius: McIntosh
You look on the bright side of things! If the vibes are down, you bring them up. No matter where you go or what you’re doing, it’s a party! You are the textbook definition of “wingman.”
Capricorn: Fuji
Sometimes, you can be self-disciplined. When there are moments when you need to “lock in,” you are very organized and goal-oriented. When you have something to look forward to, it seems like absolutely nothing can stand in your way.
Aquarius: Pink Lady
You’re just going to say it how it is. A fresh breath of honesty goes a long way, especially when you don’t care whether it hurts the person’s feelings or not. Then, all of a sudden, that breath of fresh air starts to feel more like bad breath.
Pisces: Sugarbee
Yes, maybe I included this apple because I thought the name was cute. So what! Sometimes, you’re absent-minded. You have an inability to read the room or detect social cues, but sometimes it’s cute! It’s not all bad. It’s always good to have a friend who nudges you to say, “Hey, they’re not laughing with you; they’re laughing at you.”