March 6, 2026
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5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

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Printing points introduced for students, staff

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The Leader

Donald Trump

Scallion

Pummeled to the POTUS: Presidency will be determined through a tag team cage match

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor   Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......
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Scallion

New library printers lead to robot uprising

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesV. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist        As is well known to all Fredonia students, the world this past year has been nothing short of a calamity — one disaster after another without any foreseeable sign of resolution. With no hope left for humanity, the long-mocked prophecy of sci-fi writers throughout......
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Scallion

ElectionSlam 2016: Presidency to be determined through tag-team cage match

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor   Get ready for the rumble of a lifetime folks, because “red state” will soon have a whole new meaning. World Wrestling Entertainment has announced that it has signed a contract to determine the next president of the United States. A new approach is being taken......
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Scallion

Making Kaepernickuragua great again: Quarterback turns conquistador, gets own country

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   Lately, all the rage and the subject of American grandmothers’ posts have revolved around San Fransisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick, a Scorpio from birth, sat during the national anthem during a pre-season NFL game. People at the stadium were enjoying their day at the......
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Scallion

If you can’t beat them, join them: Top Republicans abandon the GOP

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor   In this election year, every day ushers some new and wild story. After months of a rocky and uncertain alliance, prominent members of the Republican Party have decided to change their voter registration to the Democratic Party. Prominent conservatives like House Speaker Paul Ryan and......
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Opinion

Election 2016: Jill Stein is no Bernie Sanders

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAMES LILLIN Staff Writer Currently averaging a 3.6 percent on the RealClearPolitics aggregate of major national polls, Jill Stein is helping the Green Party reach new heights of popularity and recognition, considering it hasn’t broken .4 percent of the final electoral vote since Ralph Nader ran in 2000. Stein has......
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News

Conservative Corner: searching for the perfect VP

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesCONNOR HOFFMAN Assistant News Editor   After the last few primaries, the focus of the election has shifted to the general election. Who the nominees will pick as their running mates has been a hotly contested issue in the media lately. This election will be a very close one, and......
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Scallion

Donald Trump slams The Onion, vomiting, everything else

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist   Donald Trump has a knack for calling out the dishonesty of the media. Out of this, he has created massive appeal, especially from millionaire and undercover Sith Lord Carl Paladino. No news outlet is safe from the Donald’s lashing out at their dishonesty. Not even......
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Scallion

‘Wait, who?’ John Kasich unveils new campaign slogan

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist   After months of campaigning with very little to show for it, presidential candidate John Kasich has revealed a new slogan for his campaign: “Wait, who?” Like that one friend in the back seat who’s constantly trying to join the conversation, Kasich has been in the......
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