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July 5, 2024
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From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

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[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

The Leader

Donald Trump

Scallion

Lawmakers shocked at students’ response to Parkland shootings: “We had no idea they could form a sentence like that”

Contributor to The Leader
EMMA PATTERSON Editor of the Scallion   After Trump’s historic win in the 2016 Presidential election, most Americans soon learned to expect the unexpected. What was unexpected — at least to the general public — was the mature defiance displayed by the students of Parkland who refused to accept only......
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Opinion

The Rolling Stones have something to teach these overpaid congressmen

Contributor to The Leader
SETH MICHAEL MEYER Assistant News Editor   You read it right: The Stones are just as suited to give our politicians advice as any other pragmatic strategist. The advice is, “You can’t always get what you want,” from their song that carries the same name. Last Monday, we saw the......
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Scallion

Politics was this Thanksgiving’s ugly centerpiece on the dinner table as debates turned brutal

Contributor to The Leader
  SETH MICHAEL MEYER Assistant News Editor   This year’s Thanksgiving has reportedly been more brutal than usual as many self-proclaimed social justice warriors squared up against their “MAGA” hat-wearing uncles in heated debates. The arguments over the holiday had a political theme with topics such as healthcare, the GOP......
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Scallion

Trump’s aides are no match for the terrible twos

Contributor to The Leader
EMMA PATTERSON Assistant Scallion Editor   It was all hands on deck at the country’s busiest day-care center — the White House — this weekend. The president’s aides were determined to do whatever they could to keep everyone’s favorite man-child, Donald Trump, away from everyone’s favorite psycho, Vladimir Putin, at......
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Life & Arts

The Cure for the Common Comedy has been found: The Second City brings plenty of laughs in time for Family Weekend

Contributor to The Leader
TEISHA MCELFRESH Special to The Leader   Last Friday night, The Second City Touring Group kicked off Family Weekend by bringing the phrase “laughter is the best medicine” to Fredonia. As the weather is starting to cool off and summer is behind us, the troupe’s famous improvisation and anecdotal jokes......
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Scallion

Trump dedicates golf trophy to Puerto Rico

Contributor to The Leader
DOMINIC MAGISTRO Special to The Scallion   After Marshall Mathers’ scathing freestyle of his policies, President Donald Trump released a press statement announcing that his newest trophy from Mar-A-Lago would be dedicated to the victims of the disastrous series of hurricanes which struck Puerto Rico recently. Minutes after the press......
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Scallion

It’s a “no way” for Jose: Trump puts the hurricane in timeout

Contributor to The Leader
PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   The most decorated fight in United States history happened last week. It wasn’t the highly televised and clear cash grab that was the Mayweather-McGregor fight, but rather the fight between hurricane Irma and Jose. Jose ultimately lost the fight as brony and President Donald Trump......
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