March 6, 2026
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The Leader

Donald Trump

Scallion

The FBI reveals what they found under Michael Cohen’s bed: ‘It is beyond description’

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag   The FBI searched Michael Cohen’s hotel room a few days ago in search of evidence that he bribed people in the sex industry for Donald Trump. They found more than the evidence they were hoping to find. On his bedside table they found pornagraphic magazines......
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News

Troops are being sent to the southern border

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesSETH MICHAEL MEYER Assistant News Editor In a controversial move to protect the southern border, President Donald Trump announced in a memorandum Thursday that he would send members of the National Guard to protect the 1,254-mile border. In the memo, many arguments were made to support the decision made by......
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Scallion

Mar-A-Lago: Where Russian operatives are at your service: Trump’s latest oblivious nightmare (or success?)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag   This past weekend, affluent members of the esteemed Palm Beach Mar-a-Lago were surprised to learn that their stay was magnificent, due to the hard work of Russian operatives posing as butlers. “When we booked our overnight stay at the resort we were met with beautiful......
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Scallion

Donald Trump is lava because he is literally “untouchable”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACKIE SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag   When Donald Trump decided to run for president, many people began waiting for him to trip on the thin ice he had already been skating on. That entertaining spectacle, however, has yet to happen. Although it was originally thought improbable that he would actually become......
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Scallion

Lawmakers shocked at students’ response to Parkland shootings: “We had no idea they could form a sentence like that”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Editor of the Scallion   After Trump’s historic win in the 2016 Presidential election, most Americans soon learned to expect the unexpected. What was unexpected — at least to the general public — was the mature defiance displayed by the students of Parkland who refused to accept only......
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Scallion

Student dabs three consecutive times, accidentally summons the genie of 2016

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag   Dank Glott was on his dorm bed, Lays chips squashed all over his green bed sheets, and he was laughing at a somewhat hypnotic poster on his wall for no reason. His roommate was out doing something “productive,” while he had decided to spend his......
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Opinion

The Rolling Stones have something to teach these overpaid congressmen

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesSETH MICHAEL MEYER Assistant News Editor   You read it right: The Stones are just as suited to give our politicians advice as any other pragmatic strategist. The advice is, “You can’t always get what you want,” from their song that carries the same name. Last Monday, we saw the......
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Scallion

Politics was this Thanksgiving’s ugly centerpiece on the dinner table as debates turned brutal

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutes  SETH MICHAEL MEYER Assistant News Editor   This year’s Thanksgiving has reportedly been more brutal than usual as many self-proclaimed social justice warriors squared up against their “MAGA” hat-wearing uncles in heated debates. The arguments over the holiday had a political theme with topics such as healthcare, the GOP......
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Scallion

Trump’s aides are no match for the terrible twos

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Assistant Scallion Editor   It was all hands on deck at the country’s busiest day-care center — the White House — this weekend. The president’s aides were determined to do whatever they could to keep everyone’s favorite man-child, Donald Trump, away from everyone’s favorite psycho, Vladimir Putin, at......
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Life & Arts

The Cure for the Common Comedy has been found: The Second City brings plenty of laughs in time for Family Weekend

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesTEISHA MCELFRESH Special to The Leader   Last Friday night, The Second City Touring Group kicked off Family Weekend by bringing the phrase “laughter is the best medicine” to Fredonia. As the weather is starting to cool off and summer is behind us, the troupe’s famous improvisation and anecdotal jokes......
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