Horoscopes

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: fart fart fart you little gassy fart muncher! you little fart baby. farty fart fart. you love big farts, small farts, even poopy farts! whenever you feel the need to pass gas, you’re like, hell yeah i’ll fart right now! i bet you have a......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag the signs in one word or less aries: moist taurus: bug gemini: beanz  cancer: maldives leo: angry virgo: lightswitch libra: pretty  scorpio: FIRE!!!!! sagittarius: lamp capricorn: what? aquarius: hat pisces: orange...

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag  aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it? leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: f*ckin’ uh i don’t know taurus: ur like a little f*ckin’ turtle gemini: underrated air sign we love u gemini babies cancer: cry baby oooo whatcha gonna do f*ckin’ cry about it? leo: why don’t you un-repress your emotions and then we can talk about......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Guess what everyone! This is my 10th time writing the horoscopes!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this MOMENTOUS occasion, I have decided to read literally every Scallion article written in 2020 and choose one for each sign!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that fun???????? Also it means I get to do......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag  Aries: You will become complacent these next 4 years. <3 Taurus: Stop being mean to your hot gamer gf. :/ Gemini: You’re boolin. Everything will stay the same. 🙂 Cancer: You will get a 4 for 4 this week. At the red-head girl place. Leo: Someone......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Aries: have a glass of wine aries, you deserve it!! unless you are not of age. if you’re not 21, then you deserve tap water. sorry, i don’t make the rules. i just enforce them. Taurus: i bet you were one of the kids who sent......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: (you are small in this scenario) hello littel tiney babie you are small! !!!! taurus: ~~~~~~~~~living lifeeeeee <3 gemini: move it move it babey i know u love to dance! cancer: squeak squeak lil mousey babie so small!!!!!!!!! leo: nothing bad ever happens to the......

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: take a nap. you deserve it. also, i wish i was taking a nap right now instead of writing the horoscopes. taurus: guess what i just bought at tj maxx! i got some cool skincare products and i’m really excited to try them out. let’s......