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December 21, 2024
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The Leader

Political Humor

Scallion

“So much for the tolerant left…” Racist says after leftist calls him a racist

Contributor to The Leader
JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag We ask hard-hitting questions here at The Scallion.  One question we have been mulling over in our head since the dawn of time is: “Who is the snowflake?” We realize, though, that this may be too deep and difficult of a question to be asking in general.......
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Scallion

Trump is now officially the healthiest man on Earth according to scientists, according to Trump

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, resistance comrades, pack it up. We’re done. No celebrating Trump being dead anymore, because today on a Fox News interview, Trump announced that scientists are saying he’s the healthiest man on Earth.   That’s a big blow to me and my fellow resistors.  The interview, conducted......
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Scallion

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Once again, Donald Trump has been convinced of an out-of-this-world conspiracy theory that he found on social media. In a recent flurry of tweets, the president makes it clear that he is under the impression that vice president Joe Biden, the 2020 democratic candidate, is......
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Scallion

Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor In a bizarre twist of fate, President Donald Trump was attacked by the reanimated corpses of a long-dead group of American Union soldiers from the Civil War.  The corpses in question were members of the 32nd Massachusetts Infantry Unit, who served under the also-dead Colonel......
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Scallion

[Satire] In these trying times, we need to keep one group especially safe — the billionaires

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag As we all know, this COVID-19 nonsense is taking up everyone’s group consciousness. In an attempt to flatten the curve, a vast majority of Americans are staying within their homes, and this is hardest on one group in particular: the mega-rich.  Without access to private jet......
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Scallion

[Satire] Breaking news: New disease found even more deadly than coronavirus, named bluelightvirus

Contributor to The Leader
HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Stay calm everyone; everything will be okay. Or at least I hope to God, since we have another viral pandemic on our hands. Scallion scientists recently discovered a new disease, which they dubbed “bluelightvirus.” Victims of this disease experience symptoms such as low body temperature and......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Governor Cuomo confirms fears on Twitter, says to panic

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAKTrembling and Panicking Editor of the Scallion [RELATED: How the Coronavirus is affecting campus] Well, that’s it folks. Cuomo tweeted on Wednesday morning, “Ah, fuck it. School’s out. #coronavirus”. After careful consideration of this tweet, SUNY has taken this as a cancellation of all classes and a forced evacuation......
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Scallion

I swear to God, if there is even a touch of malarky I’ll give ya a beating you won’t soon forget

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH R. BIDEN Candidate for United States President and Guest Writer (Actually just Joseph Marciniak, Scallion Editor) Folks, this race is getting real serious. Dang nabit, I don’t have time to address all the issues. Well look, I’ve got some pretty strong opponents; they know what they’re doing. And the......
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