March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader

Satire

Scallion

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor Good day, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary people and, of course, the contestants of The Bachelor!  I have some very, VERY exciting news to share with all of you, dear readers. As some of you may know, there was a recent event titled “The Bachelor,” which involved......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Life lessons from the signs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBS Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Senior! Graduating! Woohoo!  My dearest Fredheads,  I regret to inform you all that this will be the last time you’ll read my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly accurate, always hilarious horoscopes. Although I am overjoyed to be leaving America’s favorite dog food town, I am......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Highlighting the Feminist Men of Media: Andrew Tate and Elon Musk

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In honor of this special issue, I wanted to highlight some quotes from the most amazing men … Elon Musk and Andrew Tate.  These beautiful men have really paved the way for strong and powerful females like me.  Once, I was just a self-conscious girl and......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Moments of womanhood aligned with the signs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion  ABIGAIL MILLER  Managing Editor  Hello Fredonians and a very happy Woman Issue to all who celebrate (guys please don’t hate me for calling it that, it’s literally what our Editor in Chief called it)!  For some context, I am a transgender man, so although......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Women are funny… yeah I said it.

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I believe women are funny despite what Dan Schnieder thinks. In a world teeming with age-old debates, from the existence of extraterrestrial life to the proper way to hang toilet paper, one question continues to perplex and bemuse scholars and comedians alike: are women funny?  This......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Dear devoted readers, As a humble reporter, I never thought I’d be thrust into the limelight of love, scandal and the unpredictable world of reality television.  Alas, here I am, penning a response to the utterly absurd rumors circulating about my alleged romance with a certain......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

Abigail Jacobson
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON  Asst. News Editor  ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION! According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down. By whom, you may ask? BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS! Those scoundrels.  How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray......
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