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July 23, 2024
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From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Students advocate for global warming in response to unreasonable winter weather

Contributor to The Leader
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag (This article is written for comedic purposes. For factual information on global warming, visit Fredonia’s Climate Education Initiative website: fredonia.edu/about/offices/climate-education-initiative/climate-facts.) Going to Fredonia, you were probably already aware that the weather was gonna be quite the treat. We all knew that snow was a big thing to......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Contributor to The Leader
BRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] A ‘beacon of hope:’ Metaverse shows signs of benefiting society at large

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Recent discussions regarding the upcoming VR-accessible Metaverse are making it clear that this project will provide much-needed relief to countless American lives.  When Ronnie Caschernian, also known as @Big_Eth_Daddy808 on Twitter, invested in Bitcoin with money granted to him in his grandmother’s will, he had no......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

Contributor to The Leader
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] BREAKING: Ariana Grande and Starbucks to collaborate even more annoyingly than Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor In a move that has surprised literally nobody, Starbucks has found another way to bring despair into the lives of consumers everywhere.  Following the announcement of the Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s collaboration — with the pop artist’s agents definitely having spun a wheel of nonsense......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur  Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......
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