The Scallion - Page 86 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Ask: A Teeming Hive of Bees

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2014

November 5, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesBEES Special to the Lampoon Dear Bees, I’ve recently come to suspect my girlfriend of being unfaithful, but I don’t have any way to prove it. She just seems different than before. What should I do? Signed, “Concerned Boyfriend” BEES HAVE NO CONCEPT OF JEALOUSY. BECAUSE THE QUEEN BEE IS......

Scallion

Being Awkward: Almost Broke

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 4, 2014

November 4, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Special to the Lampoon It’s around that time of the semester when you realize that in order to feed yourself for the next sevenweeks, you will have to ration your meals to C-store cashews and tap water. If you are like me, you got the all-points plan and......

Scallion

Strange noises, Frankensteins reported near Science Center

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 29, 2014

October 29, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteCOLIN PERRY Special to the Lampoon The recently-opened Science Center at the heart of campus is being linked to an unprecedented amount of noise complaints and mysterious phenomena. Fifteen reports have been filed to University Police in the last week alone that all claim instances of strange howls, spooky lights......

Scallion

Top 10 non-gendered Halloween costumes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 29, 2014

October 29, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesLEO FRANK Lampoon Editor Just you: 1. Cloud. The key to pulling this costume off is to lay down in a body of water and wait until the heat of the sun evaporates you up into the sky. Make it rain this Halloween. 2. Beam of Light. You’ve travelled 75,000......

Scallion

The Lampoon’s guide to a successful parent’s weekend

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 22, 2014

October 22, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesLEO FRANK Lampoon Editor So, your parents are coming to visit this weekend. They’re excited to see how their little scholar is doing out there in the wide world, and you do not want to disappoint. You want to show them that you’re doing well, you’ve got your act together......

Scallion

Being Awkward: falling

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 22, 2014

October 22, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Special to The Lampoon Nothing quite compares to the heightened terror that comes with feeling like you are going to fall. It is as if gravity is a hand pulling you to the depths of the Earth. You try to maintain equilibrium by flailing your arms around like......

Scallion

Pet Peeves of Fredonians

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 22, 2014

October 22, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesKELLY CANER Lampoonist • People who cut on the sandwich line at Willies: We all hate it when someone starts to slither their way into the line. What is even worse is allowing it to happen! Listen people, you have been waiting in this god-forsaken line for a lukewarm, limp......

Scallion

How to pay off your student loans without really paying off your student loans

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 15, 2014

October 15, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesLEO FRANK Lampoon Editor Seniors love to hate talking about student loans. Actually, probably everybody with student loans loves to hate talking about them — but I think those of us staring down the barrel of graduation in May love hating talking about student loans with a little more overall......

Scallion

Fredonia announces “free tobacco” initiative

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 15, 2014

October 15, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon In a reversal that took the campus community by surprise, Fredonia administrators announced in a press release Monday that they would be abandoning the current campus “Tobacco-Free” smoking policy and instating in its place a “free tobacco” initiative. Under the new initiative, on-campus dispensers......

Scallion

Being Awkward: Dazed and Confused

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 15, 2014

October 15, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Special to The Lampoon Can you remember the last time you got a good night’s sleep? Probably not. We are in college, so a restful night to us is getting about five hours. Since we are in a zombied state most of the time already, add a lecture......

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Ask: A Teeming Hive of Bees

Being Awkward: Almost Broke

Strange noises, Frankensteins reported near Science Center

Top 10 non-gendered Halloween costumes

The Lampoon’s guide to a successful parent’s weekend

Being Awkward: falling

Pet Peeves of Fredonians

How to pay off your student loans without really paying off your student loans

Fredonia announces “free tobacco” initiative

Being Awkward: Dazed and Confused