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The Scallion reviews the 2020 Election: Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2020November 13, 2020

November 13, 2020November 13, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of the Scallion After a tumultuous campaign, sources have called the 2020 election for Joseph R. Biden Jr., king of the crab people. The lord of all crab people, Biden, gave a rousing speech where he said “All people are equal under the law, and you can go......

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Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 8, 2020November 8, 2020

November 8, 2020November 8, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Aries: have a glass of wine aries, you deserve it!! unless you are not of age. if you’re not 21, then you deserve tap water. sorry, i don’t make the rules. i just enforce them. Taurus: i bet you were one of the kids who sent......

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Rating how much I want to hold the hands of the Willy C’s screen silhouettes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 7, 2020November 7, 2020

November 7, 2020November 7, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag You know as well as I do how good hand-holding is, unless you’ve never held anyone’s hand. You live a sad life. I would offer my hand, but it’s COVID-19 time and I don’t really wanna touch you. I also don’t know who you are. Hand-holding is......

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We gamers are SICK of politics in our entertainment

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2020November 5, 2020

November 5, 2020November 5, 2020

BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag What’s up gamers! It’s me, ya boy FazeSmoothie, here back at ya for another hot take. STOP PUTTING POLITICS INTO OUR ENTERTAINMENT. Sheesh, I’m trying to relax over here. It all started when my favorite war game, Kill Gun, came out with a sequel, Kill Gun......

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Hot damn, he was right: Joe Biden actually is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2020November 5, 2020

November 5, 2020November 5, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor As shocking as it is, one of Donald Trump’s conspiracy theories has been proven true. Democratic candidate Joe Biden is not a man, but instead a hard-working group of ferrets imitating the former vice president. This has come as a shock to the international community,......

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[SATIRE] Seasonal depression forces Fredonia students back to their comfort media once again

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 3, 2020November 3, 2020

November 3, 2020November 3, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Well, it’s that time of year again. The leaves are coming down, the temperature is dropping and the morale of students attending SUNY Fredonia is also taking a nosedive. With the change of seasons into the colder months, there is a perturbing, but not wholly......

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Horoscopes: Election edition

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 2, 2020November 2, 2020

November 2, 2020November 2, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag This week, we have a special edition of the horoscopes. These are the people that each of the signs would vote for. Aries: You will not be voting at all because you’re pissed off at the establishment. Taurus: You will be writing in Elizabeth Warren, because......

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Top 10 reasons why Kamala Harris is my #girlboss

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 2, 2020November 2, 2020

November 2, 2020November 2, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag This article is for my ladies out there. Ladies? Are you listening? This is the reading material for you. Only ladies. If you are a man, stop reading! Right now! Listen up, ladies. We got a woman who has power right in front of us. Are you......

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Hey guys, it’s me, token MAGA hat guy

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 1, 2020November 2, 2020

November 1, 2020November 2, 2020

BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag It’s me, the token MAGA hat guy on campus, coming at you this election year to remind you of the various values we, as smart conservatives, have. Far-left communist sleepy Joe Biden and open Antifa card-carrying member Kamala Harris are trying to make all citizens of......

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THE SCALLION MEGA CAGE MATCH 3000 FOR THE WHITEHOUSE

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 31, 2020October 31, 2020

October 31, 2020October 31, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of the Scallion This election has been everything BUT calm. We have seen candidates tear each other apart, both literally and figuratively. We still cannot find all the pieces of Steve Bullock, because of the BRUTAL takedown by Amy Klobuchar. To say that this election has been confusing......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

The Scallion reviews the 2020 Election: Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

Horoscopes

Rating how much I want to hold the hands of the Willy C’s screen silhouettes

We gamers are SICK of politics in our entertainment

Hot damn, he was right: Joe Biden actually is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

[SATIRE] Seasonal depression forces Fredonia students back to their comfort media once again

Horoscopes: Election edition

Top 10 reasons why Kamala Harris is my #girlboss

Hey guys, it’s me, token MAGA hat guy

THE SCALLION MEGA CAGE MATCH 3000 FOR THE WHITEHOUSE