The Scallion - Page 23 of 82 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 17, 2020September 18, 2020

September 17, 2020September 18, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag Today, a student living in Gregory Hall was doing homework but decided to take a break for a shocking and unique reason: to eat salsa on the ground. This student is a music therapy major, so she had many valid and psychological reasons as to why she......

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Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 17, 2020September 17, 2020

September 17, 2020September 17, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor In a bizarre twist of fate, President Donald Trump was attacked by the reanimated corpses of a long-dead group of American Union soldiers from the Civil War. The corpses in question were members of the 32nd Massachusetts Infantry Unit, who served under the also-dead Colonel......

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[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2020September 17, 2020

September 16, 2020September 17, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Sometimes the desperate need to commit heinous crimes on campus comes to you. I get it. Filthy criminals like you don’t stop, and why should you? That’s why I’ve compiled a list, in no particular order, of the top five ways you can get put in......

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Horoscopes, 9/12

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 12, 2020

September 12, 2020September 12, 2020

HANNAH BLIDYStaff Scallywag aries: corona got you down? check out scorpio for some tips 🙂 !! taurus: you deserve a drink for everything you’ve been dealing with. obviously an age-appropriate non-alcoholic drink if you’re under 21. maybe like a capri sun or something. gemini: (italian accent) i got a pizza......

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[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 15, 2020

September 12, 2020September 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Following the tragic passing of legendary screen actor Chadwick Boseman, Marvel Studios had once again screwed the pooch by making a choice in very poor taste. It was announced on Friday that Scarlett Johansson would resume the role of King T’Challa in the Marvel Cinematic......

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I have fettuccine Fingers! Hear me roar!

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 11, 2020September 11, 2020

September 11, 2020September 11, 2020

ANONYMOUSGuest Scallywag Behold, I am the one with a tasty, delectable pasta for Fingers. You cannot escape me. I am real, and I am here, right behind you! My Fingers are soft yet slippery, in a square shape, like how the horrible fettuccine is prepared. When noon arrives, I use......

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[SATIRE] Crackdown in Western New York: Gov. Cuomo bans travel from the region

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 9, 2020September 9, 2020

September 9, 2020September 9, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag ALBANY, N.Y. — In a press conference Monday morning, Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced updated travel restrictions in relation to the Western New York region. According to Cuomo, travel to and from the region is restricted exclusively to Tuesdays and Fridays from 7 p.m. to 9 a.m. ......

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I swear to God if campus shuts down before this article gets released, I will eat my shorts

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 8, 2020September 8, 2020

September 8, 2020September 8, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of The Scallion Hey bozos, just letting you know now that if you DARE shut down campus before this article is published on the website, I will literally eat my shorts. I know exactly the pair. My Saturday shorts, which are one of my favorite pairs (they’re very......

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I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Contributor to The LeaderMay 9, 2020May 9, 2020

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag I’ve had a lot of time to hang out with my family this semester. From August 25 on, I spent a lot of time separated from them, and even though I would call once a week, I couldn’t help but feel like we grew apart. I......

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Horoscopes 5/6/2020

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2020May 6, 2020

May 6, 2020May 6, 2020

ALEXANDRA WALSHProfessional selfie-taker and simp Aquarius: You came to The Leader the day of your daughter’s wedding to read your horoscope? Pisces: Don’t let these horoscopes define who you are. Aries: Your horoscope 10,000% defines who you are. Don’t listen to Pisces. Taurus: I miss you as much as dads......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Horoscopes, 9/12

[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role

I have fettuccine Fingers! Hear me roar!

[SATIRE] Crackdown in Western New York: Gov. Cuomo bans travel from the region

I swear to God if campus shuts down before this article gets released, I will eat my shorts

I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Horoscopes 5/6/2020