The Leader
Scallion

The worst civil tragedy to happen in the U.S.: Getting rid of the Starbucks everything bagel bites

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag When I got back to Fredonia, I knew the first thing I wanted to do was order some everything bagel bites from Starbucks because they absolutely slap. I think we can all agree on at least that much, unless you’re gluten intolerant or something. Sorry. However, when......
Scallion

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Retired Editor of The Scallion Well folks, this is it: my last article as editor. After much thought, I have decided to take my extended legs and take them home, since I am retiring. I have claimed my pension, and all my benefits.  I, Joseph Marciniak, humble servant......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag As I was thinking about what to do for this article, I realized that I talk big game about hand holding. It’s a fun activity that anyone can participate in. I figured it appeals to the mass audience. However, I realize there are some people out there......
Scallion

[SATIRE] President Biden announces “Drugs are cool now!”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAKScallion Editor At a press conference on Sunday, press secretary Jen Psaki was talking about nuclear weapon deals or something when the president made a surprise appearance. Reporters in the room say that he had a confused, jumbled look, and had some sort of white powder beneath his nose.......
Scallion

Turns out, nobody liked my Super Bowl halftime show idea from last year

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Well, another football season has come and gone. While fans across the country cheered, families remarked about the sub-par commercials this year and Tom Brady has once again managed to make more money than I will ever have in the span of nine months. With......
Scallion

Horoscopes: The signs as Scallion articles

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Guess what everyone! This is my 10th time writing the horoscopes!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this MOMENTOUS occasion, I have decided to read literally every Scallion article written in 2020 and choose one for each sign!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that fun???????? Also it means I get to do......

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