The Scallion - Page 24 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 28, 2020September 28, 2020

September 28, 2020September 28, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag aries: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – you, this week. taurus: ok so are you going to send aquarius the homework for math 115 or what… gemini: wow, you’ve got a lot of people in your tinder dm’s for someone who’s supposed to be quarantining. cancer: i’m sensing some chaotic......

Scallion

[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2020September 25, 2020

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Many of you may have read that the effects of the Oregon wildfires have reached the East Coast and I am here to assuage your fears. This is, in fact, false information. The true cause of the red haze you have found over campus in the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] As if things couldn’t get worse, ex-interim president Hefner has been wandering around campus with a gun

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2020September 25, 2020

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag With all of the commotion going on with COVID-19, non-potable water and general college anxiety, most students are on their toes already. Students are sick and tired of hearing or reading the word “unprecedented.” Shockingly enough, their stress meters have indeed skyrocketed. The reason, of course, is......

Scallion

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 24, 2020May 4, 2021

September 24, 2020May 4, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Once again, Donald Trump has been convinced of an out-of-this-world conspiracy theory that he found on social media. In a recent flurry of tweets, the president makes it clear that he is under the impression that vice president Joe Biden, the 2020 democratic candidate, is......

Scallion

Uh oh, orange man! Small hands! Cheeto man, hehehe, big baby man! That’s right: Trump

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 18, 2020September 18, 2020

September 18, 2020September 18, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKScallion Editor Watch out! Small hands, hehehe! Who do I mean? Big baby man who is orange, who else could I mean but El Presidente, the man behind the pee tape (Got em!), Dongal Tromp! Orange man, boo! Skin orange! Laugh at orange skin! Hands? Small. Donald? Drumpf. Eat......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 17, 2020September 18, 2020

September 17, 2020September 18, 2020

JAY BYRONGuest Scallywag Today, a student living in Gregory Hall was doing homework but decided to take a break for a shocking and unique reason: to eat salsa on the ground. This student is a music therapy major, so she had many valid and psychological reasons as to why she......

Scallion

Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 17, 2020September 17, 2020

September 17, 2020September 17, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor In a bizarre twist of fate, President Donald Trump was attacked by the reanimated corpses of a long-dead group of American Union soldiers from the Civil War. The corpses in question were members of the 32nd Massachusetts Infantry Unit, who served under the also-dead Colonel......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2020September 17, 2020

September 16, 2020September 17, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Sometimes the desperate need to commit heinous crimes on campus comes to you. I get it. Filthy criminals like you don’t stop, and why should you? That’s why I’ve compiled a list, in no particular order, of the top five ways you can get put in......

Scallion

Horoscopes, 9/12

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 12, 2020

September 12, 2020September 12, 2020

HANNAH BLIDYStaff Scallywag aries: corona got you down? check out scorpio for some tips 🙂 !! taurus: you deserve a drink for everything you’ve been dealing with. obviously an age-appropriate non-alcoholic drink if you’re under 21. maybe like a capri sun or something. gemini: (italian accent) i got a pizza......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 15, 2020

September 12, 2020September 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Following the tragic passing of legendary screen actor Chadwick Boseman, Marvel Studios had once again screwed the pooch by making a choice in very poor taste. It was announced on Friday that Scarlett Johansson would resume the role of King T’Challa in the Marvel Cinematic......

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Horoscopes

[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire

[SATIRE] As if things couldn’t get worse, ex-interim president Hefner has been wandering around campus with a gun

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Uh oh, orange man! Small hands! Cheeto man, hehehe, big baby man! That’s right: Trump

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Horoscopes, 9/12

[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role