March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different 

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, “Adult” with a “Job” who “Has To Go To Work”  What’s up Fredonians? I bet you thought you had seen the last of me, with my incredibly well-crafted, tear-stained Letter from the Desk Of and my gorgeous final horoscopes.  WELL GUESS WHAT! ......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What should your sign dress up as for Halloween?

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 4 minutesABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief As the leaves change and my body begins to resist doing anything that resembles schoolwork, I know one thing: it is time. Dust off those black glittery stilettos that you only wear once a year. Dig out the costume you’ve been reusing since freshman year from the......
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Scallion

Why do 10-year-olds think they’re better than me at Dress to Impress?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON News Editor (AKA Researcher of Dress to Impress) Graphic by Isabella Rizzo | Art Director Guys. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hate children. Shocking, I know. The only children I love are my nieces, nephews and the child I babysit for.  Every other child, hell......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?

Abbie Miller
Reading Time: 3 minutesABBIE MILLER  Editor-in-Chief, absolute zombie  Yes, I am back to give you your horoscopes. No, I haven’t slept since I wrote the last ones. I don’t know if it’s just me, but between my three papers and an exam that are all due at the end of this week, I......
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Scallion

Local talk show host runs in 2024 election

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesETHAN GOODNESS Special to The Leader BROCK PAPKE  Special to The Leader United States, 2024. A nation trapped in a period of perpetual darkness, with no light in sight. Every day is a civil war. People on both sides of the aisle wage endless battles with each other. Division holds......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

Drew Paluch
Reading Time: 3 minutesABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Two-Star Comedian Yes, I added another star because The Leader staff told me I was being too hard on myself. Also, I made Scallion Editor Megan Kidby laugh so I’m still riding that wave.  In other exciting news, Starbucks has officially released their fall menu. And who......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Meg’s Declassified School Survival Guide 

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor What if I told you that I knew how to get through the horrors of college life? I know you don’t believe me. You’re probably saying “Megan…this is your fifth year of college, and you can’t even pass Music Theory III. How are you going to......
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Scallion

NEW SCALLION ASSISTANT WANTED

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a groundbreaking upset, Jace Jacobs, the Assistant Scallion Editor for The Leader, has graduated. After this tragic loss of our previous assistant, the editorial board of The Leader has announced the search for a new writing assistant for its highly esteemed (read: barely tolerated) satire......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor Good day, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary people and, of course, the contestants of The Bachelor!  I have some very, VERY exciting news to share with all of you, dear readers. As some of you may know, there was a recent event titled “The Bachelor,” which involved......
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