The Scallion - Page 54 of 82 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

UK ready for bedtime: EU flexes parental control over country

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2016August 25, 2019

November 18, 2016August 25, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist This past June was historic for the United Kingdom, as its citizens opted to vote themselves out of the European Union. This bombshell ruling, cleverly named Brexit, was evidence that the U.K. wanted to be its own entity in the shadow of the EU. Since the......

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Upstate citizens campaign to build wall around NYC

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2016August 25, 2019

November 18, 2016August 25, 2019

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist Only days after Donald Trump won the presidency, New York Republicans are threatening to build a wall around the highly populous and liberal New York City in an attempt to make New York “red again.” Feeling scared and confused for the 100th time this year, the......

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‘What the Fuck?’ Nation Asks Self

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 18, 2016August 25, 2019

November 18, 2016August 25, 2019

KILGORE TROUT Guest Lampoonist Since the shocking victory of Republican nominee for president Donald Trump’s campaign last week, reports confirm a sizeable increase in the number of Americans citizens turning on the TV, scratching their heads for a moment, then exclaiming angrily, “Is this a goddamn joke?” For the first......

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A look at a post-election future for the US

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 10, 2016August 25, 2019

November 10, 2016August 25, 2019

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon As this country reaches the end of the lunacy-filled nightmare that is our election cycle, it has now become time to look ahead at what the future has in store for us on our decision as a nation. At the time of the release......

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Male birth control experiment leads to permanent funding of Planned Parenthood

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 10, 2016

November 10, 2016

D. Zbornak Staff Lampoonist In popular news, a revolutionary male birth control study was halted due to its undesirable side effects. While the irony in this sparked cynicism from women all around, it ultimately resulted in a shocking nationwide move. With men having fully experienced the frustrations of hormonal birth......

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Brand new emergency garbage truck unveiled

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 10, 2016

November 10, 2016

JACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon Have you ever needed to......

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Vine (2013-2016)

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 10, 2016

November 10, 2016

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist On Oct. 27, 2016, Twitter announced that its short-form video sharing app, Vine, had suddenly and unexpectedly passed. After fighting valiantly against competing video-sharing apps such as Snapchat, Vine finally laid down its vast supply of viral memes and admitted defeat in the face......

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Trump spends $2 billion to nuke China: Republican nominee still polls at 40 percent

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 4, 2016September 9, 2019

November 4, 2016September 9, 2019

KEITH MYATH Guest Lampoonist In his latest string of bizarre antics, news broke late Tuesday night that Donald Trump has shelled out more than $2 billion of his own money to drop a nuclear missile on China. “First of all, it’s pronounced Chee-eye-na,” said Trump in a recent......

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The Lampoon’s guide to a drama-free election

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 3, 2016

November 3, 2016

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Special to the Lampoon As we approach the conclusion to this lunacy-filled election cycle, it may be a good idea to look at some ways to not be a jerk in the coming days. After more than a year of living in an alternate reality, we all......

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In memory of American Decency

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 3, 2016August 25, 2019

November 3, 2016August 25, 2019

D. ZBORNAK Staff Lampoonist U.S. citizens across the country are mourning the long-anticipated death of American Decency. While its stamina was sort of up in the air for quite some time, American Decency had undoubtedly experienced an astronomical drop in strength this past year. American historians had initially predicted......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

UK ready for bedtime: EU flexes parental control over country

Upstate citizens campaign to build wall around NYC

‘What the Fuck?’ Nation Asks Self

A look at a post-election future for the US

Male birth control experiment leads to permanent funding of Planned Parenthood

Brand new emergency garbage truck unveiled

Vine (2013-2016)

Trump spends $2 billion to nuke China: Republican nominee still polls at 40 percent

The Lampoon’s guide to a drama-free election

In memory of American Decency