The Scallion - Page 53 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Tips on How to Pass Your Finals with Flying Colors

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist As Finals Week approaches, now is totally the best time to experiment with some new study methods! Try to find your inner study god(dess) by hiking to the top of the nearest snowy mountain and meditating for a week. Panic when you......

Scallion

Police Notters

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017August 25, 2019

May 3, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 3 minutes KILGORE TROUT Guest Lampoonist MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2017 10:12 a.m. A student was reportedly engaging in lewd behavior outside of University Commons. Upon investigation, it became clear that to University Police that, while some would consider it “art,” that doesn’t mean indecent exposure isn’t a......

Scallion

Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017August 25, 2019

May 3, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist Californians have had enough! They need to be liberated from the Trump regime. They will no longer stand for this. THEY MUST DIG. The duration of the bureaucratic process is gunking up the procedure of seceding from the United States of Trumps......

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Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

Reading Time: 3 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The astronauts on the International Space Station know better than anyone what it means to be scared: suspended hundreds of feet off of the Earth’s surface for months at a time. The crew’s official mission is to conduct research and finish......

Scallion

Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017August 15, 2019

April 26, 2017August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 3 minutesALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist “DAMN.” DAMN! This album can be best summed up with the word DANG, because dang it is good. That, of course, does not mean that we did not have some criticisms for the album. The album starts with “BLOOD.” and immediately it seems as......

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TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist TSA officers have been stationed at bathrooms across the nation to ensure that citizens must use the bathroom to which their genitalia matches, regardless of their individual gender expression. Bathrooms where TSA officers are stationed are barely being used, however. Reporters have asked people why......

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United we stand, in Pepsi we trust: Supersoak that ho

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist In a surprising turn of events, the popular airline you associate with humiliating assault, United Airlines, has taken a tip from PepsiCo advertising in serving the cold drink to help eliminate onboard violence. United Airlines CEO Boris Dilitant had much to say about the......

Scallion

Police Notter

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesFORREST ECKERT and JACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon and Staff Lampoonist Thursday, April 20, 2017 On Thursday night, a student was found wandering the road looking into holes. When questioned, the student responded that he was looking for pot. Friday, April 21, 2017 A ballerina filed a......

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Video game bandit convinced the arrow shot through head was ‘just the wind’

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017September 2, 2019

April 26, 2017September 2, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor While on guard duty at an underground camp outside of Rorikstead, a video game bandit was the victim of a gruesome attack, having an arrow lodged in his head by an unknown assailant. The arrow seems to have caused brain damage to the victim, as......

Scallion

Trump revealed as Russian nesting doll

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2017September 9, 2019

April 19, 2017September 9, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist As of recently, it seems like news regarding the White House and President Donald Trump can not go on without also including his possible ties to Russia. This connection has been strengthened with the recent revelations that the FBI is investigating......

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Tips on How to Pass Your Finals with Flying Colors

Police Notters

Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms

United we stand, in Pepsi we trust: Supersoak that ho

Police Notter

Video game bandit convinced the arrow shot through head was ‘just the wind’

Trump revealed as Russian nesting doll