The Scallion - Page 53 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

“Wolfenstein” developer MachineGames apologizes for promoting violence against Nazis

Contributor to The LeaderAugust 30, 2017

August 30, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor In our turbulent world, one message has come across loud and clear: under no circumstance is it okay to physically harm anybody. Especially if that person believes himself/herself to be part of some superior master race. Punching a Nazi is just as bad as the......

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Millions apply for disability after staring right into the solar eclipse

Contributor to The LeaderAugust 30, 2017

August 30, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist It was a bizarre day Aug. 21. Early in the morning lightning struck Old Main Drive, almost killing one student who had been stumbling back to campus, drunk. One might think Ben Frenklyn was lucky to escape the lightning, but that very same day he went......

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Tips for incoming freshmen, making the most of the semester

Contributor to The LeaderAugust 30, 2017

August 30, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist As another semester begins and everyone is full of false confidence, now is a good time to address the freshmen on campus. Transfer students should take this advice, too. Trust me, I wish I knew this when I transferred. The first and foremost piece of advice......

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Plastic bags take revenge on campus

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist After being banned from campus for a week, the plastic bags have taken revenge. Using Fredonia’s windy weather to their advantage, the plastic bags started attacking innocent pedestrians. We were able to get a brief comment from one of the plastic bags about......

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Tips on How to Pass Your Finals with Flying Colors

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist As Finals Week approaches, now is totally the best time to experiment with some new study methods! Try to find your inner study god(dess) by hiking to the top of the nearest snowy mountain and meditating for a week. Panic when you......

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Police Notters

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017August 25, 2019

May 3, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 3 minutes KILGORE TROUT Guest Lampoonist MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2017 10:12 a.m. A student was reportedly engaging in lewd behavior outside of University Commons. Upon investigation, it became clear that to University Police that, while some would consider it “art,” that doesn’t mean indecent exposure isn’t a......

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Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017August 25, 2019

May 3, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist Californians have had enough! They need to be liberated from the Trump regime. They will no longer stand for this. THEY MUST DIG. The duration of the bureaucratic process is gunking up the procedure of seceding from the United States of Trumps......

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Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

Reading Time: 3 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The astronauts on the International Space Station know better than anyone what it means to be scared: suspended hundreds of feet off of the Earth’s surface for months at a time. The crew’s official mission is to conduct research and finish......

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Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017August 15, 2019

April 26, 2017August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 3 minutesALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist “DAMN.” DAMN! This album can be best summed up with the word DANG, because dang it is good. That, of course, does not mean that we did not have some criticisms for the album. The album starts with “BLOOD.” and immediately it seems as......

Scallion

TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist TSA officers have been stationed at bathrooms across the nation to ensure that citizens must use the bathroom to which their genitalia matches, regardless of their individual gender expression. Bathrooms where TSA officers are stationed are barely being used, however. Reporters have asked people why......

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“Wolfenstein” developer MachineGames apologizes for promoting violence against Nazis

Millions apply for disability after staring right into the solar eclipse

Tips for incoming freshmen, making the most of the semester

Plastic bags take revenge on campus

Tips on How to Pass Your Finals with Flying Colors

Police Notters

Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms