The Scallion - Page 60 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

A thank you letter from your colon: Recent sewage disaster forces campus-wide Willy C fast

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2016August 17, 2019

September 12, 2016August 17, 2019

V. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist Dear Innkeeper, As you know, we essentially have one of the most intimate relationships anyone can ever experience. You’ve shared your deepest darkest desires with me, whether I asked to know them or not. One of which, if you don’t mind me mentioning, is......

Scallion

‘No Man’s Sky’ is no more: Developer Hello Games creates black hole within game

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2016

September 12, 2016

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Like a black hole, Hello Games decided that it would appear out of nowhere and suck $60 out of 212,000 wallets. Now, after much deceit by the developers, Hello Games has decided to fix it by placing a black hole in the game to......

Scallion

Making Kaepernickuragua great again: Quarterback turns conquistador, gets own country

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2016August 25, 2019

September 12, 2016August 25, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Lately, all the rage and the subject of American grandmothers’ posts have revolved around San Fransisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick, a Scorpio from birth, sat during the national anthem during a pre-season NFL game. People at the stadium were enjoying their day at the......

Scallion

If you can’t beat them, join them: Top Republicans abandon the GOP

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2016August 25, 2019

September 12, 2016August 25, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor In this election year, every day ushers some new and wild story. After months of a rocky and uncertain alliance, prominent members of the Republican Party have decided to change their voter registration to the Democratic Party. Prominent conservatives like House Speaker Paul Ryan and......

Scallion

Fredonia changes official mascot: Sports teams to be addressed as the Harambe State Harambes

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2016

September 2, 2016

RICK HARRISON Staff Lampoonist Rick Harrison here, reporting from my pawn shop. In order to pay tribute to the late Harambe, a gorilla who was killed at the Cincinnati Zoo in May, the athletics program will be changing its name and logo. The announcement came from Athletic Director Greg......

Scallion

Commotion with the Ocean: R&B star disappears, causes widespread panic

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2016

September 2, 2016

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Frank Ocean released his second studio album, “Blonde,” last week to a lengthy list of praise from both critics and die-hard Frank-O-philes. In celebration of the R&B superstar’s newest release, Frank, whose real name is Joey Fatone, held a public press conference in the parking......

Scallion

Faster than the speed of blame: Usain Bolt is faster than your partner’s assumptions, new study suggests

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2016

September 2, 2016

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has once again wiped the competition, earning three gold medals during the 2016 Olympics. He is so fast that a recent study done by Yale University determined that Bolt is faster than the assumptions made by your partner, or the same......

Scallion

“Trash statue” stolen and recycled at Tops

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 2, 2016

September 2, 2016

V. RAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist Throughout SUNY Fredonia’s history, money and budget cuts have been a constant source of contention. With the new school year in full swing, Fredonia’s school administrators are right back to agonizing over whether funding should go towards campus employee wages or better things like the......

Scallion

Beyoncé opens ‘Lemonade’ stand to promote new album

Contributor to The LeaderMay 5, 2016

May 5, 2016

MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist In order to promote her new album “Lemonade,” Beyoncé is participating in an epic marketing campaign — and she chose Fredonia as the place to start it. She will be opening her very own lemonade stand on the Fredonia campus this week. Yes, you read......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMay 5, 2016August 15, 2019

May 5, 2016August 15, 2019

REBECCA HALE Reverb Co-Editor Aries: You’ve been working your tushie off all semester, so you should probably take the week off. Don’t turn in a single assignment. Don’t even go to class or finals. You’ll still pass, maybe. Taurus: You’ve been wearing the same clothes for weeks. It’s......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

A thank you letter from your colon: Recent sewage disaster forces campus-wide Willy C fast

‘No Man’s Sky’ is no more: Developer Hello Games creates black hole within game

Making Kaepernickuragua great again: Quarterback turns conquistador, gets own country

If you can’t beat them, join them: Top Republicans abandon the GOP

Fredonia changes official mascot: Sports teams to be addressed as the Harambe State Harambes

Commotion with the Ocean: R&B star disappears, causes widespread panic

Faster than the speed of blame: Usain Bolt is faster than your partner’s assumptions, new study suggests

“Trash statue” stolen and recycled at Tops

Beyoncé opens ‘Lemonade’ stand to promote new album

Horoscopes