March 7, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What does the month of March have in mind for your sign?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion, Chloe Kowalyk’s Least Favorite Staff Member (Apparently) Hi guys, welcome back to another edition of Jace’s super great and awesome horoscopes. At our last e-board meeting for The Leader, our editor-in-chief told me I needed to “make the horoscopes shorter” and “edit myself.” I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

Abigail Jacobson
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON  Asst. News Editor  ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION! According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down. By whom, you may ask? BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS! Those scoundrels.  How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray......
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Scallion

[SCALLION] Get to know your Bachelor! A look inside the mind of Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary friends, we have a special surprise for you! I, Megan Kidby, sat down with our wonderful bachelor Jace Jacobs and asked him a couple questions about love, family, challenges and other things that made him the man he is today. If you......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a stunning move that has left students scratching their heads and faculty members questioning their life choices, SUNY has announced a revolutionary plan to overhaul its educational system.  Brace yourselves, folks, because SUNY is cutting all programs, effectively transforming itself into a “Program-Free Zone.” In......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor *sigh* I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. On November 23, I made a horrible mistake.  At around 2:30 p.m. EST, my grandfather entrusted me with the most sacred part of a white person’s Thanksgiving: the macaroni and cheese.  Unlike Colleen Ballinger, I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Who will be the next U.S. Senator?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ding dong, Dianne Feinstein is dead! Dianne Feinstein, the 90-year-old former senator, passed away on Sept. 23, 2023 and people fought for her spot on the Senate. Even though Laphonza Butler acquired the spot, she does not intend to permanently fill it.  Thus, an opportunity arises. ......
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