October 21, 2026
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AI doesn’t want to take over, it wants your Social…

Student Media, Cornell Incident

LOVERCOLUMN: Legendary Lovers

World leaders address war, conflicts at UN General Assembly

Issues of Sports Gambling

From Fredonia to New Mexico?  

A playlist for each mood: Yearning  

‘Tis the season to be spooky!

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The Leader

Political Humor

Scallion

An open dialogue: Union Ghost vs. High School Student

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag We are here at the Scallion always to further intelligent discussion. In light of the ever-ongoing topic of the Confederate flag within America, I have invited the ghost of the Union Colonel Eugene B. Beaumont. Beaumont trained soldiers in Washington in 1861 and received a medal......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Ranking the Supreme Court’s fashion sense

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag Uh oh! Fashion police! You read the title. Buckle up, fashionistas. We are going hard today on these current Supreme Court members to do the judging they need done for them. For the purposes of this article, I will pretend not to really know them well. Everyone’s......
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Scallion

“So much for the tolerant left…” Racist says after leftist calls him a racist

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag We ask hard-hitting questions here at The Scallion.  One question we have been mulling over in our head since the dawn of time is: “Who is the snowflake?” We realize, though, that this may be too deep and difficult of a question to be asking in general.......
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Scallion

Trump is now officially the healthiest man on Earth according to scientists, according to Trump

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, resistance comrades, pack it up. We’re done. No celebrating Trump being dead anymore, because today on a Fox News interview, Trump announced that scientists are saying he’s the healthiest man on Earth.   That’s a big blow to me and my fellow resistors.  The interview, conducted......
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Scallion

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Once again, Donald Trump has been convinced of an out-of-this-world conspiracy theory that he found on social media. In a recent flurry of tweets, the president makes it clear that he is under the impression that vice president Joe Biden, the 2020 democratic candidate, is......
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Scallion

Reanimated rotting bodies of the 32nd Massachusetts of 1864 beat the shit out of Donald Trump

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor In a bizarre twist of fate, President Donald Trump was attacked by the reanimated corpses of a long-dead group of American Union soldiers from the Civil War.  The corpses in question were members of the 32nd Massachusetts Infantry Unit, who served under the also-dead Colonel......
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Scallion

[Satire] In these trying times, we need to keep one group especially safe — the billionaires

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag As we all know, this COVID-19 nonsense is taking up everyone’s group consciousness. In an attempt to flatten the curve, a vast majority of Americans are staying within their homes, and this is hardest on one group in particular: the mega-rich.  Without access to private jet......
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Scallion

[Satire] Breaking news: New disease found even more deadly than coronavirus, named bluelightvirus

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Stay calm everyone; everything will be okay. Or at least I hope to God, since we have another viral pandemic on our hands. Scallion scientists recently discovered a new disease, which they dubbed “bluelightvirus.” Victims of this disease experience symptoms such as low body temperature and......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Governor Cuomo confirms fears on Twitter, says to panic

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJOSEPH MARCINIAKTrembling and Panicking Editor of the Scallion [RELATED: How the Coronavirus is affecting campus] Well, that’s it folks. Cuomo tweeted on Wednesday morning, “Ah, fuck it. School’s out. #coronavirus”. After careful consideration of this tweet, SUNY has taken this as a cancellation of all classes and a forced evacuation......
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