[COMIC] Bird Scooter Prix
Reading Time: < 1 minuteANGELO PETRILLI Special to The Leader...
[SATIRE] Horoscopes
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome to your favorite article of the week, Horoscopes! In this edition, I decide which Fredonia activity you should partake in this week. Aries: Email the head of your department and tell them what a fantastic job they’re doing in long, convoluted essay format. Taurus: Reminisce Tim......
[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia?
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWhat’s your problem? Like, seriously! What’s wrong with you? MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor This year at SUNY Fredonia, there’s something different about the atmosphere on campus. Namely, everyone seems super stressed and put-down between classes. I, Matthew Baum, took to the streets, eager to seek out just what the major......
[SATIRE] You know, I think we need to replace the Bird scooters with horses
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag You heard me. Well, okay, hear me out. I have so many reasons. In fact, I’m gonna list ‘em right off for you because I know my idea would work out better than these other trifling chump transportation devices. 1. Horses are good for the environment. While......
[COMIC] Three Man Hill adventures
Reading Time: < 1 minuteRYAN LUDUSpecial to The Leader...
[SATIRE] Heartwarming: Fredonia student remembers to call their parents for their birthday
Reading Time: < 1 minuteMATTHEW BAUMScallion Editor Haha, sike!Here’s the deal. When I came up with this article idea, I was thinking, “Oh, this is such a funny idea, what a low bar!”Ironically, I forgot last week that it was, actually, literally, my mother’s birthday. I did not call her. I didn’t even mail......
[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, save your soul
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hark, all you who stumble upon this page! It is I, a mere pawn to the Scallion Eternal, and I come bearing the opportunity of a lifetime. I have been sent forward to you! You who would capture the spirit of levity in your mind and......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: The signs as back to school things
Reading Time: < 1 minuteALYSSA BUMP Editor in Chief Which back to school thing are you based on your astrological sign? Aries: Post-It notes for your so-called to-do lists. Taurus: A green apple smelly pencil that loses its scent in 24 hours. You disgust me. Gemini: A Jansport backpack to hide all of your......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which SUNY Fredonia building are you?
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey, incoming students! You’re here because you’re pretty cool. So, I’m making this Scallion article JUST for you (not because Matt asked me to). Welcome to Horoscopes! Aries: McEwen Hall, because everyone loves your reliability. <3 Taurus: Grissom Hall, because you’re loveable at first, but then people......
Elon Musk does stupid crap so regularly, we’ve made a MadLibs-style article to cover him
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUMScallion Editor Elon Musk is not new to criticism. In his time as a public figure and the wealthiest person on the face of the planet, he has regularly made waves in the media by not realizing the responsibility he has as a public figure and the wealthiest person......