[SATIRE] Students advocate for global warming in response to unreasonable winter weather
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag (This article is written for comedic purposes. For factual information on global warming, visit Fredonia’s Climate Education Initiative website: fredonia.edu/about/offices/climate-education-initiative/climate-facts.) Going to Fredonia, you were probably already aware that the weather was gonna be quite the treat. We all knew that snow was a big thing to......
[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(
BRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How to make friends
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome to horoscopes. I will be providing an instructional guide about how to finally make friends. Aries: Get into NFTs, but in an ironic way. Fake it on Twitter so you can gather a bunch of NFT bro followers, then right-click-save their profile pictures and threaten them......
Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage
Created by NICOLE THORSON...
[SATIRE] A ‘beacon of hope:’ Metaverse shows signs of benefiting society at large
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Recent discussions regarding the upcoming VR-accessible Metaverse are making it clear that this project will provide much-needed relief to countless American lives. When Ronnie Caschernian, also known as @Big_Eth_Daddy808 on Twitter, invested in Bitcoin with money granted to him in his grandmother’s will, he had no......
Comic: Figgy Pudding
Comic by Lydia Turcios and Ash Maloney...
[SATIRE] Horoscopes
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Welcome to horoscopes. I’m going to tell you how you should prepare for finals. Aries: skim over everything posted on oncourse and if your class doesn’t have any oncourse posts, just improv it Taurus: create an incredibly believable story (example: my laptop was thrown into the refrigerator,......
[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......
[SATIRE] BREAKING: Ariana Grande and Starbucks to collaborate even more annoyingly than Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor In a move that has surprised literally nobody, Starbucks has found another way to bring despair into the lives of consumers everywhere. Following the announcement of the Justin Bieber and Tim Horton’s collaboration — with the pop artist’s agents definitely having spun a wheel of nonsense......