The Scallion - Page 15 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 26, 2021October 26, 2021

October 26, 2021October 26, 2021

OLIVIA SYLVESTER Guest Scallywag Really? You’re going to reject my proposal? Do you know how hard I’ve worked on this? How long have I spent? All I want is for the Kellogg’s Froot Loop cereal straws to be brought back. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause. Now this may......

Scallion

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

Jules HoeptingOctober 22, 2021October 22, 2021

October 22, 2021October 22, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of The Scallion It’s no surprise to me that we have invasive operatives amongst us. What!? We live in a perfect society where nobody has special interests in our college student lives!? In your wildest dreams! No, it makes perfect sense to me that there are forces......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Lean Man Mamanda Junior American history “not throwing away my shot” major. “Generally speaking, they blow us all away. Wait for it — history has its eyes on you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.” (Scallywag note: I threw up after speaking to him.)......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

Scallion

Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag I was going to write an article about Gavin Newsom and the California recall but it’s been less than a week and it’s already not relevant to the news cycle anymore. The human conscious experience has accelerated to only remembering things that happened in the last......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 16, 2021

September 16, 2021September 16, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag If you live in the United States, or maybe even other places, I’m sure you’ve heard we have to wear masks. This mandate has been in place for a while and it’s caused a bit of a stir. Well, I’ve been ruminating; I don’t think it’s a......

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[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2021September 21, 2021

September 16, 2021September 21, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor to the Scallion For many of us here at SUNY Fredonia, this summer was a trial. Our collective patience, strength and mental fortuity was tested day in or day out. I understand this exhausting feat firsthand, as I served as a camp counselor in the middle of......

Scallion

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

Jules HoeptingSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

September 10, 2021September 9, 2021

JULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......

Scallion

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

Contributor to The LeaderMay 17, 2021May 17, 2021

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag I gotta say, I am so freaking excited to be talking about holding hands without feeling bad about it. I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I love talking about holding hands and maybe kissing. I especially still hold a love for the Willy C’s silhouettes,......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club

Contributor to The LeaderMay 14, 2021May 9, 2021

May 14, 2021May 9, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag A group of Congress members known for being part of the “America First Caucus” were found gleefully running around in the woods in white costumes. They were frolicking around a fire that had a giant wooden “T” in the middle of it. When asked about why......

5th Quarter Column: Quell the Raven

5th Quarter Column: Fifth Time’s a Charm?

Buffalo Bandits look to snatch third straight title

Why do gamers play games they hate?

Campus Life and Student Affairs unveil policy regulating on-campus assemblies

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

Holding space for the new Wicked movie: A review

[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls

Why Dunkin’ Donuts is better than Tim Hortons, from the…

Apple Music vs. Spotify, coming from a person who has…

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Time isn’t real and we are accelerating into Hell

[SATIRE] Why I’m pissed we have to wear masks

[SATIRE] I’m going to lose my marbles: My journey from one job to the next

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

You’re fully vaxxed now! You can kiss and hold hands!

[SATIRE] Congress members found at Ghost Club