The Scallion - Page 15 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......

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[SATIRE] Why we should parachute beavers onto the Fredonia campus

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag The other day, I was scrolling on my phone like any zoomer might do. I checked every single social media account for something to catch my eye, but alas, I was brought to boredom. Nothing was doing it for me. Why is this world so boring? I......

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[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2021November 13, 2021

November 13, 2021November 13, 2021

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Tall tale: The silent driver

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2021November 2, 2021

October 30, 2021November 2, 2021

OLIVIA CLAMP Special to The Leader It is Jonathan’s last night in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, so he and his friends decide to have a rowdy last night bar hopping around the city. The humid August air hits Jonathan as he leaves the pub. He will not be visiting for another few......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 29, 2021October 29, 2021

October 29, 2021October 29, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hi guys this is my first time writing horoscopes so please be kind. However you must BE AWARE. I know a lot. How close the signs are to losing their marbles this week and what you can do to prevent it: Aries: not close to losing your......

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True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 28, 2021October 29, 2021

October 28, 2021October 29, 2021

KATHERINE HILTON Special to The Leader According to the author, all of the story is true and none of the pictures have been altered from their original form. In May of 2021, my best friends and I were staying at Allegheny State park in one of the old rentable cabins.......

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A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 26, 2021October 26, 2021

October 26, 2021October 26, 2021

OLIVIA SYLVESTER Guest Scallywag Really? You’re going to reject my proposal? Do you know how hard I’ve worked on this? How long have I spent? All I want is for the Kellogg’s Froot Loop cereal straws to be brought back. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause. Now this may......

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The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

Jules HoeptingOctober 22, 2021October 22, 2021

October 22, 2021October 22, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of The Scallion It’s no surprise to me that we have invasive operatives amongst us. What!? We live in a perfect society where nobody has special interests in our college student lives!? In your wildest dreams! No, it makes perfect sense to me that there are forces......

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[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Lean Man Mamanda Junior American history “not throwing away my shot” major. “Generally speaking, they blow us all away. Wait for it — history has its eyes on you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.” (Scallywag note: I threw up after speaking to him.)......

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[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

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[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

[SATIRE] Why we should parachute beavers onto the Fredonia campus

[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

Tall tale: The silent driver

[SATIRE] Horoscopes (10.19.2021)

True terror: Unhuman faces in the dark

A Message To The CEO Of Kellogg’s

The menace that munches: What we know about the new local groundhog

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think about musical theatre majors?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards