The Scallion - Page 26 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2020September 17, 2020

September 16, 2020September 17, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Sometimes the desperate need to commit heinous crimes on campus comes to you. I get it. Filthy criminals like you don’t stop, and why should you? That’s why I’ve compiled a list, in no particular order, of the top five ways you can get put in......

Scallion

Horoscopes, 9/12

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 12, 2020

September 12, 2020September 12, 2020

HANNAH BLIDYStaff Scallywag aries: corona got you down? check out scorpio for some tips 🙂 !! taurus: you deserve a drink for everything you’ve been dealing with. obviously an age-appropriate non-alcoholic drink if you’re under 21. maybe like a capri sun or something. gemini: (italian accent) i got a pizza......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 15, 2020

September 12, 2020September 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Following the tragic passing of legendary screen actor Chadwick Boseman, Marvel Studios had once again screwed the pooch by making a choice in very poor taste. It was announced on Friday that Scarlett Johansson would resume the role of King T’Challa in the Marvel Cinematic......

Scallion

I have fettuccine Fingers! Hear me roar!

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 11, 2020September 11, 2020

September 11, 2020September 11, 2020

ANONYMOUSGuest Scallywag Behold, I am the one with a tasty, delectable pasta for Fingers. You cannot escape me. I am real, and I am here, right behind you! My Fingers are soft yet slippery, in a square shape, like how the horrible fettuccine is prepared. When noon arrives, I use......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Crackdown in Western New York: Gov. Cuomo bans travel from the region

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 9, 2020September 9, 2020

September 9, 2020September 9, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag ALBANY, N.Y. — In a press conference Monday morning, Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced updated travel restrictions in relation to the Western New York region. According to Cuomo, travel to and from the region is restricted exclusively to Tuesdays and Fridays from 7 p.m. to 9 a.m. ......

Scallion

I swear to God if campus shuts down before this article gets released, I will eat my shorts

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 8, 2020September 8, 2020

September 8, 2020September 8, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of The Scallion Hey bozos, just letting you know now that if you DARE shut down campus before this article is published on the website, I will literally eat my shorts. I know exactly the pair. My Saturday shorts, which are one of my favorite pairs (they’re very......

Scallion

I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Contributor to The LeaderMay 9, 2020May 9, 2020

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag I’ve had a lot of time to hang out with my family this semester. From August 25 on, I spent a lot of time separated from them, and even though I would call once a week, I couldn’t help but feel like we grew apart. I......

Scallion

Horoscopes 5/6/2020

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2020May 6, 2020

May 6, 2020May 6, 2020

ALEXANDRA WALSHProfessional selfie-taker and simp Aquarius: You came to The Leader the day of your daughter’s wedding to read your horoscope? Pisces: Don’t let these horoscopes define who you are. Aries: Your horoscope 10,000% defines who you are. Don’t listen to Pisces. Taurus: I miss you as much as dads......

Scallion

Horoscopes 5/2/2020

Contributor to The LeaderMay 2, 2020May 2, 2020

May 2, 2020May 2, 2020

ALEXANDRA WALSH Professional comedian and frozen pizza cooker Aquarius: I love and miss you people. Pisces: I bet you’d look beautiful, even with a face mask on. Aries: Aries?? More like HAIR-ES. Just because there’s a stay @ home order doesn’t mean we let ourselves go. Shave, please. Taurus: Finally,......

Scallion

Horoscopes 4/25/2020

Contributor to The LeaderApril 25, 2020April 24, 2020

April 25, 2020April 24, 2020

ALEXANDRA WALSH Special to The Leader Aquarius: Summer is coming up and we are all dying to know, is your summer body ready yet? Probably not, so start jogging. Pisces: It takes a lot to sit in the house all day, but you know what else is hard? These online......

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[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Horoscopes, 9/12

[SATIRE] Too soon guys: Scarlett Johansson takes Black Panther leading role

I have fettuccine Fingers! Hear me roar!

[SATIRE] Crackdown in Western New York: Gov. Cuomo bans travel from the region

I swear to God if campus shuts down before this article gets released, I will eat my shorts

I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Horoscopes 5/6/2020

Horoscopes 5/2/2020

Horoscopes 4/25/2020