The Leader
QuizScallion

[SATIRE] Quiz: Which nostalgic computer game are you?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I’m gonna be honest with y’all, I’ve been really sad recently.  Sh*t just happens and you feel like you’re not slaying the haus down boots queen wig like you really want to.  When that happens, I play Wizard 101.  What game should you play?  Take this......
Scallion

My qualms with pocketless clothing

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesISABELLA INZINNA Staff Writer There’s an age-old issue that anyone who wears women’s clothes struggles with.  Something that, for whatever reason, we can’t seem to fix. An issue that many people are very familiar with: Pockets.  Everyone loves pockets, they’re very handy. With a good pocket, you can eliminate the......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What skeleton are you?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion, Amateur Skeleton Wrangler  Happy spooky season Fredheads (I know spooky season is an outdated phrase but I’m allowed to use it, I keep my Halloween decorations up year-round so you can’t judge me)!  I have discovered a recent passion of mine, and that is......
Scallion

[SATIRE]: Lauren Boebert … Maybe don’t do that.

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor and Theater Nerd Hey Girly Pop! I’m so happy you decided to either randomly pick up this student-run newspaper from a state you’re not even in or search “Lauren Boebert Leader” on Google only to find this! I wanted to reach out and ask about your......
Scallion

[SATIRE] Vote for Dan! …one of them.[SATIRE]

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesDAN GRANADOS Business Manager DAN QUAGLIANA News Editor Hello, this is Timmy Toni, reporting back from the DNC (Dan National Convention). We have two extraordinary candidates for this race. Running for the position of “King Dan,” we have Dan Granados, from the Business Party, and Dan Quagliana, from the Editors’......
Scallion

[SATIRE] What 2024 presidential candidate will win in the race? (the 100m dash)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 5 minutesHUNTER HALTERMAN Track Star* Contrary to popular belief, presidential candidates should not be judged on how well they can run our country. Instead, they should be judged on how well they can run a 100-meter dash.  It is 100 meters of not just sprinting, but also courage, determination and willpower.......
Scallion

[SATIRE] The Wizard: Fredonia’s most magical student

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor THE WIZARD | Special to The Leader If you’re like me, you’re on the Fredonia Snapchat stories way too often. You scroll through and see the freshmen asking where certain things are, the other people dogging on the freshmen for not knowing where those things are......

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