The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Vote for Dan! …one of them.[SATIRE]

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesDAN GRANADOS Business Manager DAN QUAGLIANA News Editor Hello, this is Timmy Toni, reporting back from the DNC (Dan National Convention). We have two extraordinary candidates for this race. Running for the position of “King Dan,” we have Dan Granados, from the Business Party, and Dan Quagliana, from the Editors’......
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[SATIRE] What 2024 presidential candidate will win in the race? (the 100m dash)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 5 minutesHUNTER HALTERMAN Track Star* Contrary to popular belief, presidential candidates should not be judged on how well they can run our country. Instead, they should be judged on how well they can run a 100-meter dash.  It is 100 meters of not just sprinting, but also courage, determination and willpower.......
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[SATIRE] The Wizard: Fredonia’s most magical student

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor THE WIZARD | Special to The Leader If you’re like me, you’re on the Fredonia Snapchat stories way too often. You scroll through and see the freshmen asking where certain things are, the other people dogging on the freshmen for not knowing where those things are......
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[SATIRE] Top 10 Reasons Why My Dad Should Be President

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACE JACOBS  Assistant Scallion Editor  Photo By TARA WINSTEAD | Provided by Pexels Election season is quickly approaching, and I thought it would benefit the public to know why I feel my father would be the best choice for president of the United States. (PS. Please don’t tell him I......
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[SATIRE] KENERGY: A RETROSPECTIVE

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesJACE JACOBS Assistant Scallion Editor Since the release of the “Barbie” movie, a new phenomenon has been sweeping the nation: Kenergy.  Unfortunately, this movement has been misconstrued and overtaken by what I call “Fens” (fake Kens).  Kenergy isn’t for every man, and some men don’t get that. Kenergy is for......
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[SATIRE] QUIZ: Does Your Crush Like You Back?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Graphic by KAROLINA GRABOWSKA | Courtesy of Pexels In my humble editor’s opinion, you really shouldn’t date in college because college people are icky, but if you REALLY want to know if your crush likes you, I suggest taking this quiz!  Question #1: What is your......

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