Scallion: StudyBuddy
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWritten by Alberto Gonzalez and Jaclyn Spiezia Illustrated by Mattea Guldy ...
Meet Mr. Gunderson, the teacher excited to be armed
Reading Time: 2 minutesMORGAN HENDERSON Staff Scallywag He’s armed, he’s ready to fire — and he’s teaching your children from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. Meet Mr. Gunderson. Gunderson is a kindergarden teacher at Fredonia Elementary School. After recent events in America, Trump and his following have decided to......
Conservative Arts and Sciences: A new hope
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag In a daring move by the Fredonia Student Recruitment Office, there is a newly established degree students can pursue. Starting next year, incoming students will have their choice between the old and boring Bachelor of Liberal Arts & Sciences, or the new and refreshing Bachelor......
Donald Trump is lava because he is literally “untouchable”
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACKIE SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag When Donald Trump decided to run for president, many people began waiting for him to trip on the thin ice he had already been skating on. That entertaining spectacle, however, has yet to happen. Although it was originally thought improbable that he would actually become......
Police Notter
Reading Time: 2 minutesALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Scallywag Monday, Feb. 26, 2018 A student took a nasty spill while walking through a puddle. UP arrested the water in question and the judicial officer sent a statement saying action would be taken, heavily implying expulsion might be the end result. The case has since......
Lawmakers shocked at students’ response to Parkland shootings: “We had no idea they could form a sentence like that”
Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMA PATTERSON Editor of the Scallion After Trump’s historic win in the 2016 Presidential election, most Americans soon learned to expect the unexpected. What was unexpected — at least to the general public — was the mature defiance displayed by the students of Parkland who refused to accept only......
The Adventures of Hal Scallion
Reading Time: 2 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ & JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywags Hi, my name is Hal Scallion, and most of you probably don’t know me. It is my first full semester at Fredonia and it has not been going very well at all. Ever since I started here, I have been......
Fredonia’s icy campus gets students into figure skating: “Who knows? Beijing 2022!”
Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Scallywag The weather has been quite moody recently, and the cold and rainy conditions have led to icy walkways on campus. Some students have decided to take advantage of these conditions by ice skating around campus. Although campus administration is worried about the danger of skating......
Acid Analysis: Or are you too basic? – Fredonian acid might just live up to the hype
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Scallywag Last weekend, waking up in a raccoon den with a missed text from Richard Simmons asking if I was still awake made me finally realize that I needed to switch up my routine bar-hopping experience and drop one of the holiest jam-band approved psychedelics: acid.......