The Scallion - Page 56 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Leaveusbe Tribe discovered on new continent

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017

March 1, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The whole world turned on the news last week and, for the first time in months, was not greeted with flames and screams of horror but with the announcement that a new continent has been discovered deep in the Pacific Ocean. The new......

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Amazon Echo calls your ex for you

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017

March 1, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist As the exploding Samsung Galaxy S7 news has phased out, reports suggest that a new cellphone phenomenon has started to take place. The Amazon Echo, which is designed around voice control, has exhibited an originally unidentified feature. After hours of listening to you bitch......

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Drake’s new album filled with tears: Fans drown in Drake’s rich melancholy

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017August 15, 2019

March 1, 2017August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Before he was wheelchair Jimmy, Aubrey Drake Graham, or Drake, told his “Degrassi: The Next Generation” co-stars he would one day release an album that was literally filled with tears. That day came last Friday as Drake released “I’m Sad. Hear Me Out. Pass the......

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‘Pokémon Go’ update includes ‘Are you sure this is how you want to spend your life?’ option

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2017

March 1, 2017

Reading Time: 3 minutes ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist Niantic’s huge summer success “Pokémon Go” looked like it was on the verge of being left behind in the summer of 2016. The developers have had other ideas, however, trying to keep their monstrous cash cow alive as long as possible. In an......

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Missiles leak out of North Korea’s arsenal: The harder you hop the farther it goes

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017

February 22, 2017

Reading Time: 3 minutes PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist This past week, news is more depressing than the traditional brutalist architecture on campus leaked out over the internet: North Korea has missiles. However, these missiles aren’t harmful in the slightest. They can actually be used for wildly entertaining purposes. In a chilling call......

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Police Notter February 22

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017

February 22, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA and ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist and Special to the Lampoon UNIVERSITY Sunday, Feb. 12, 2017 A noise complaint was issued Sunday night, as there was loud screaming in Grissom Hall. An R.A. came to check out the situation and started screaming, too, when they found out......

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DeVos participates in teacher swap

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017

February 22, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutes EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist It’s always nice when politicians step outside of their comfort zone. For example, there’s nothing at all unsettling about Barack Obama wearing denim shorts or Chris Christie eating a carrot stick. This totally-real fact made Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos’ decision to swap places......

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Guest Op-Ed: Who wants to be America’s second?

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 22, 2017August 25, 2019

February 22, 2017August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesPRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP WWE Hall of Famer In Donald Trump’s inauguration speech, he said, “From this day forward, it’s going to be only America first. America first.” POTUS has followed up on his thoughts with an exclusive op-ed penned for the Lampoon. Who was your founding father? Our......

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Trump travel ban receives coveted 5-star rating from ISIS: Dayum! That’s a great ban!

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017

February 15, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist The severely outdated and irrelevant restaurant-locating website Yelp just received news that an organization had awarded Trump’s travel ban five stars. The totally peaceful and fun-loving organization that distributed the perfect rating? ISIS. News had broke that ISIS gave Trump’s travel ban the coveted five-star......

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Tom Brady admits cheating in Super Bowl, nobody cares

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 15, 2017

February 15, 2017

Reading Time: 2 minutesJACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist “The New England Patriots have just won Super Bowl LI,” the announcer screeched. While Patriots fans cheered in excitement, Atlanta Falcons fans started to screech in retaliation claiming the Patriots had cheated their way to victory. One Falcons fan used his mechanical wings to fly......

Fredonia announces additional program cuts following finals week

Fredonia has lost the art of the elective

Orchesis caps off year with ‘Escape Into the Music’

Best photos of the year from Fredonia athletics

Five major takeaways from the 2026 NFL Draft

How To Be a Good White Ally 101

Director of Innovation and Economic Development reportedly retrenched

[SATIRE] Horoscopes

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Do’s and don’ts of dating

Who started the Butterlow fire? The Leader investigates

Leaveusbe Tribe discovered on new continent

Amazon Echo calls your ex for you

Drake’s new album filled with tears: Fans drown in Drake’s rich melancholy

‘Pokémon Go’ update includes ‘Are you sure this is how you want to spend your life?’ option

Missiles leak out of North Korea’s arsenal: The harder you hop the farther it goes

Police Notter February 22

DeVos participates in teacher swap

Guest Op-Ed: Who wants to be America’s second?

Trump travel ban receives coveted 5-star rating from ISIS: Dayum! That’s a great ban!

Tom Brady admits cheating in Super Bowl, nobody cares