The Leader
Scallion

Amazon Echo calls your ex for you

Reading Time: 2 minutes  JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist   As the exploding Samsung Galaxy S7 news has phased out, reports suggest that a new cellphone phenomenon has started to take place. The Amazon Echo, which is designed around voice control, has exhibited an originally unidentified feature. After hours of listening to you bitch......
Scallion

Drake’s new album filled with tears: Fans drown in Drake’s rich melancholy

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   Before he was wheelchair Jimmy, Aubrey Drake Graham, or Drake, told his “Degrassi: The Next Generation” co-stars he would one day release an album that was literally filled with tears. That day came last Friday as Drake released “I’m Sad. Hear Me Out. Pass the......
Scallion

Missiles leak out of North Korea’s arsenal: The harder you hop the farther it goes

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutes  PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   This past week, news is more depressing than the traditional brutalist architecture on campus leaked out over the internet: North Korea has missiles. However, these missiles aren’t harmful in the slightest. They can actually be used for wildly entertaining purposes. In a chilling call......
Scallion

Trump travel ban receives coveted 5-star rating from ISIS: Dayum! That’s a great ban!

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesPATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist   The severely outdated and irrelevant restaurant-locating website Yelp just received news that an organization had awarded Trump’s travel ban five stars. The totally peaceful and fun-loving organization that distributed the perfect rating? ISIS. News had broke that ISIS gave Trump’s travel ban the coveted five-star......

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