The Leader
Scallion

Angry cicadas to blame for Ecuadorian earthquake

Reading Time: 3 minutesRAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist          After learning of a devastating earthquake moving through Ecuador, investigations were carried out in order to determine its epicenter. Geologists were perplexed, however, when they examined the ground beneath them and were blinded by a flock of cicadas emerging from the soil like a resounding......
Scallion

The sigh heard ‘round the world Clinton wins NY primary thanks to ‘true New Yorkers’

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist   To her relief, Hillary Clinton won the New York primary against Bernie Sanders by 8 percent last Tuesday. After being grilled by Sanders’ millennial following and being on a constant losing streak, Clinton pulled through and won New York State. Based on county polls, Clinton’s......
Scallion

When a hearing is failed Senior music major arrested for emotional breakdown

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesRAVIOLI Staff Lampoonist   It’s that time of the year again for the beloved music majors. Thousands of hours of practicing, sleepless nights and steady diets of Starbucks and … whatever else they have time for … culminates into brilliant recitals and temporary imaginary relief from the year’s stresses.    ......
Scallion

‘Wait, who?’ John Kasich unveils new campaign slogan

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE FEVER Assistant Lampoonist   After months of campaigning with very little to show for it, presidential candidate John Kasich has revealed a new slogan for his campaign: “Wait, who?” Like that one friend in the back seat who’s constantly trying to join the conversation, Kasich has been in the......

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