Four things you can do instead of dropping your Calio’s box on Temple
Reading Time: 2 minutesANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon Look, I get it. You’re wasted. That guy/girl you were talking to slipped out of the bar before you could get his/her number. You’re tired and, although most of the grease made it into your facehole along with the one-pound slab of meat, cheese......
Reviews: Top 6 most noteworthy toilets on the Fredonia campus
Reading Time: 3 minutesLEO FRANK Lampoon Editor Traditionally, the Lampoon dedicates its pages to lighthearted, fun content. And we love doing it. But lately we’ve been thinking about Big Questions. For example, how should a person be? And what are our essential responsibilities to one another as humans? Also, what’s the best place......
Being Awkward: Late for Class
Reading Time: 3 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Special to the Lampoon Nothing compares to the feeling you get when you open your eyes in the morning, look at your phone and realize that you have successfully turned off your alarm in your sleep — it is now 20 minutes into your 9:00 a.m. class. It’s......
Local man turned away from Sunny’s for suspiciously valid ID
Reading Time: 2 minutesTARA DACTYL Special to The Lampoon Fredonia Village police arrived on the scene as a noisy dispute took place outside of Sunny’s this past Thursday. Sunny’s, Fredonia’s premier social bar, is located on Water Street next to the critically acclaimed Club 35. The dispute, which happened around 11:30 p.m., was......
Expectations vs. Reality of Starting a New Semester
Reading Time: 2 minutesKELLY CANER Staff Lampoonist Excessive Drinking Expectation: You are a Sophomore now, so basically you’re a high functioning member of society. You’re above those Freshman days of fermenting your stolen fruit from Cranston. You drink wine and watch documentaries on Netflix. Reality: You are still the raging alcoholic you were......
Being Awkward: Hot Guys
Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Special to The Lampoon We’ve all been there before. You’re with your girls coming back from Tim’s with a multigrain grilled cheese and a purple gatorade in hand, and all of the sudden you see him. The man of your dreams, in tight khaki pants and a fitted......
Ask The Lampoon
Reading Time: 2 minutesDear Lampoon, Okay. So I had a party this weekend and when I sent out the Facebook invite, I accidentally invited this guy I don’t like. Now it’s Wednesday and he won’t leave me alone. He follows me between classes, messages me every few hours, and was waiting outside my......
Sex and the SUNY: 5 Things to Know when Dating in College
Reading Time: 2 minutesKELLY CANER Lampoonist 1. Location, Location, Location! Dating requires one very important aspect: going on dates. But since we’re in college, and none of us are in position to be swaggin on over to Bob Evans with piles of cash, we have to improvise. The Fredonia campus provides a plethora......
Eye contact accidentally made in computer lab
Reading Time: 2 minutesLEO FRANK Lampoon Editor Fredonia student Amanda Carson says she’d been writing a paper in the McEwen computer lab for only half an hour on Monday when she accidentally let her eyes meet those of a man working across from her. “Oh, goddamnit,” Carson said ten minutes later. “I think......