The Leader
Scallion

Pelosi: ‘Concentration camps acceptable, but we draw the line at investigating Biden’

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesDOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor An impeachment inquiry has begun as a result of a whistleblower complaint. The whistleblower complains that Trump asked the Ukranian prime minister to investigate Biden. Pelosi and House Democrats draw the line there. No one messes with Joe. “There are just some actions that are......
Scallion

Student ends cyberbullying, deletes social media

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesDOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor You heard it here first, folks. After weeks spent dreading logging into Facebook, Frederick Drain has taken action against his aggressors. Ever since he went to class wearing a full suit of armor, clanging and creaking down the halls, other students referred to him as......
Scallion

Better late than never: Here’s what went down at the Democratic Presidential Debate in June

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Twenty candidates for the Democratic ticket for president went head-to-head in June, and it was intense. We’re super late, but here’s some highlights from that debate if you still care. Arguably the most important person running, Bill de Blasio, probably said something about beating Donald Trump.......
Scallion

“What’s YOUR favorite part about Willy C’s?”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Christopher Robin, freshman who still gets lost on campus major “The pasta station … wait, that’s Cranston.” Bradley Preston Harrington III, sophomore sports management major with a minor in frat-ology “Uhhhh … I don’t know. The tables are great for beer die, I guess. Die up,......
Scallion

Free-spirited Fredonia architect is at it again: ‘Excelsior Cafe’ is coming to Rockefeller

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Guest Scallywag Ahmelia Schitt is something of a rockstar in the college-campus design circles, and she’s back in town. In an exclusive interview on Thursday, she announced that she would be designing a new eatery on-campus, with a literal twist. For those who have gone all this time......
Scallion

“You have to do this, Joe” God says to Biden during political rally

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, the old fogie is at it again.  Former Vice President Joe Biden recently revealed in an interview with the Scallion that during his rally in Poughkeepsie, God appeared to tell him that he has to take on Trump alone.  “It was a miracle. There I......
Scallion

Gotta admit, he’s got guts: Trump tears off clothes for people standing outside of White House fence

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Well, you can’t get angry at him for this one. President Trump recently walked to the fence outside of the White House, alarming members of the secret service, and tore his clothes off “down to his undies” reports said. Not even mad; guy has got some......
Scallion

What’s that, Fredonia? What do YOU think of our incumbent president, Dr. Hefner?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Wanda Plongo, sophomore political science major “Who?” Goulash Jambalaya, senior criminal justice major “I think it’s pretty interesting that the rotting corpse of Hugh Hefner is now the president of Fredonia. What a small world we live in.” Greej Dunkle, freshman anti-mathematics major “If I knew......
Scallion

“Guess I’m not sick anymore” says student vomiting outside closed LoGrasso Student Health Center

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesDOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor LoGrasso Health Center, Fredonia – Sunday afternoon, James “Barfy” Bartholemew was spotted banging on the door outside LoGrasso clutching at his stomach as a custodian within shook their head, refusing to allow Barfy access to the building. “Please, I’m very sick. I need help,” begged......

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