The Scallion - Page 72 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 15, 2019

February 10, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutesRILEY STRAW Lampoon Editor Aries You will start to really #feelthebern this week, but it won’t be because of Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders. You have contracted dysentery. Seek medical treatment. Taurus You will realize that astrology is a fabricated system of vague generalizations designed to make you feel as......

Scallion

Web exclusive: Martin Shkreli’s face put on punching bag

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016

February 10, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes TRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor As seen on TV, Martin Shkreli’s face is arguably now the most punchable one in the history of this country. Shkreli met with Congress over charges of securities fraud, a charge entirely unrelated to the act of utter douchebaggery he committed late last......

Scallion

Texas Zika discovery reveals historical lack of intelligence

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016August 25, 2019

February 10, 2016August 25, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes RAVIOLI Special to the Lampoon Citizens of Texas have never been known for possessing ample wisdom. There’s an old saying, “Be smart and work with your head, or be dumb and work with your hands.” Texans have long sworn by the latter part of that proverb. But with......

Scallion

Fredonia further caters to millennials’ needs, like always New degree program features courses in entitlement, unlearning

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 10, 2016

February 10, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Fredonia has just announced a new major in millennial studies, for students who were born between the 1980s and the early 2000s. This major offers courses that focus on how Millennials can be the best they can be, based on their strengths and weaknesses.......

Scallion

‘Herman’ or ‘Hermit’? Vice President of Student Affairs to retire one year after cancelling FredFest

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 2, 2016

February 2, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutesRILEY STRAW Lampoon Editor Dr. David Herman has had a long history with Fredonia. Last year, he received quite a bit of heat for cancelling “Fref Fest,” and sources say he has not lived down the embarrassment. “I didn’t realize how hurtful Fredonia students can be,” said his secretary......

Scallion

Bernie Sander’s flavored Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Really tastes like Bernie Sanders!

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 2, 2016

February 2, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutesTRAVIS LEFEVRE Assistant Lampoon Editor Ben & Jerry’s has been known for its crazy creative flavors. In a new twist, Ben & Jerry’s co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield have done the unthinkable — they made politics sweet. “Sweet” in the literal sense, that is, by making an ice......

Scallion

Breaking news – a burrito cover-up: Bridge construction turns out to be grave marker, supposedly

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 2, 2016

February 2, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutesEMMO Staff Lampoonist It seems these past few semesters that, no matter where you turn on campus, there’s construction going on — Rockefeller, the Science Center and now, the bridge between McEwen and the Williams Center. You may ask yourself, “Will it ever end?” Such a question is like......

Scallion

Trump to Sanders: ‘You’re Fired!!’ The Donald shoots Sanders, media lets it go

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 2, 2016September 9, 2019

February 2, 2016September 9, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes JESSICA D’NONSENS Lampoonist This political season has been ablaze with scandals: from incestuous remarks Donald Trump made about his daughter to “I-Robot” star Hillary Rodham Clinton, and of course the gorgeous (albeit pathetically polling) piece of man-candy that is Martin O’Malley. The only thing we’ve come to expect......

Scallion

Newest Jonas brother kills 27

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 2, 2016

February 2, 2016

Reading Time: 2 minutes MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist On Jan. 21, the world was cursed with a fifth Jonas brother. With him, he brought a great amount of fury in the form of a terrible snowstorm. Nick, Joe, Kevin and Frankie Jonas were excitedly awaiting the arrival of their newborn brother. They......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderJanuary 26, 2016August 15, 2019

January 26, 2016August 15, 2019

Reading Time: 2 minutes MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Aries You will wake up in the morning feeling like you can take on the world. You will start saying things like, “The world is my oyster!” Well, it’s not. And you can’t take on the world, that’s my job. Go back to bed.......

Fredonia announces additional program cuts following finals week

Fredonia has lost the art of the elective

Orchesis caps off year with ‘Escape Into the Music’

Best photos of the year from Fredonia athletics

Five major takeaways from the 2026 NFL Draft

How To Be a Good White Ally 101

Director of Innovation and Economic Development reportedly retrenched

[SATIRE] Horoscopes

[OPINION] Lovercolumn: Do’s and don’ts of dating

Who started the Butterlow fire? The Leader investigates

Horoscopes

Web exclusive: Martin Shkreli’s face put on punching bag

Texas Zika discovery reveals historical lack of intelligence

Fredonia further caters to millennials’ needs, like always New degree program features courses in entitlement, unlearning

‘Herman’ or ‘Hermit’? Vice President of Student Affairs to retire one year after cancelling FredFest

Bernie Sander’s flavored Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Really tastes like Bernie Sanders!

Breaking news – a burrito cover-up: Bridge construction turns out to be grave marker, supposedly

Trump to Sanders: ‘You’re Fired!!’ The Donald shoots Sanders, media lets it go

Newest Jonas brother kills 27

Horoscopes